The greatest thing you'll ever learn
by GiraffeGirl
Summary: What if a third person had been involved in Patrick and Lara's relationship?
1. Late again

As the alarm beat out a military tattoo, Lucy stumbled out of bed, her blonde hair falling out of her pony tail. She rubbed her bleary eyes and picked her way across the bedroom which was littered with clothes. She looked critically at herself in the mirror.

"Rough," she said finally, after searching long and hard for the exact word to describe her appearance. To qualify matters further, she added, "Heading towards really rough." She pulled her hair band out and wondered if she could get away without washing her hair. After all, it was only work and it wasn't really greasy as such, just a bit shiny at the roots and… she looked at the photo stuck to the mirror. Jamie smiled down at her, his blue eyes mocking her gently,

"Oh okay!" She stomped to the bathroom. She really would have to hurry though, seeing as she'd woken up so late. It was all Jamie's fault, if he…

The cold water hit her and she snapped back to reality. Jamie was gone. She couldn't blame him for her refusing to sleep alone.

"Lucy, you're late," Charlie Fairhead noted as she walked in the door. "Again." The emphasis on the last word wasn't lost on anyone listening.

"I know, I'm sorry, Charlie," she said instantaneously, her tongue working without her even really thinking.

"This has got to stop you know," Charlie continued. "I need you here, not tucked up in bed. I know it's cold…"

"I know." Lucy forced herself not to snap at him. She was getting fed up with being treated like some child who was reluctant to leave her bed in the morning. It wasn't the cold it was… "It won't happen again, Charlie," she said slowly and deliberately, before turning on her heel and marching into the staffroom.

Charlie watched her go. She was such a pretty girl really, it was a shame she always looked so… sulky was probably the wrong word, she wasn't exactly some little two-year-old. But she did. And she was always so short-tempered.

"Penny for them," Chloe Hill remarked cheerfully in her Welsh lilt as she bounced past him, carrying a patient's notes.

They're not worth that much," Charlie replied, shaking himself out of his reverie. "Chloe, what do you know about Lucy?" If anyone could explain her strange behaviour it would be the bright and sparky staff nurse. Chloe wasn't exactly a gossip, but if there was anything to know she'd know. Though even she'd been acting cagey lately, something to do with Anna's "accident"…

"Not much," Chloe shrugged. "Keeps herself to herself. Bit of a stroppy cow really."

Charlie winced at her phraseology, but nodded. "Okay, thanks anyway." He was about to go when he remembered something else, and he turned back round to where she was filling in some forms. "Have you spoken to Anna again about what happened?"

Chloe's face shut down and she put on a fake happy smile. "Ah she doesn't want to talk about it!" she said shrugging again. "I've got to go, I've got a patient waiting." She hurried off, and Charlie resigned himself to the fact that he wouldn't get anything more out of her today. Even so, he couldn't help wondering exactly what was wrong with the nurses of Holby A and E department.


	2. The Yorkshire Idiot

Lucy shut the staffroom door harder than was strictly necessary. So much so that Patrick Spiller, the ED registrar, looked up from his mug of coffee.

"Was there any need for that?" he demanded, glaring at her.

Lucy ignored him. Patrick Spiller: all charm that one. He was never happy, always grumpy, always picking faults in other people's work. Lucy didn't really mind him that much though, at least not as much as everyone else seemed to. He left her alone, didn't keep inviting her out places she didn't want to go or berate her for not looking as happy as Chloe or Anna all the time. He left her in peace with her thoughts and feelings, and she couldn't help feeling a tiny bit grateful for that.

She shoved her overflowing bag into her locker and took another look at herself in the mirror there. She looked even worse than she had first thing this morning, but it couldn't be helped. She pulled her still wet hair into a pony tail, bundling it in as small a knot as possible. Her once neat fringe was getting to an unmanageable stage and it flopped back into her eyes. She shoved two hair grips in firmly and shut her locker with a bang.

Patrick glanced up again. "Happy as usual today then, Lucy?" He was so sarcastic sometimes.

"Oh shut up," Lucy replied, giving him a withering look. She was on her way out by the time he replied.

"Well, don't blame you." he sighed. "Not everyone has something to be cheerful about."

Lucy hesitated, before deciding it was just Patrick being Patrick and she continued out to the cubicles, hoping no one else would remark on either her lateness or her bad humour.

"It's about time!" Duffy exclaimed as Lucy walked in. That girl always looked a mess, she thought, not exactly the best advert for the ward. Not that she entirely approved of Chloe's standard face full of make-up, but at least she looked presentable. Lucy always looked so… she didn't want to use the word, but sort of… scraggy and unkempt. Like some sort of wild pony. Now that Duffy thought about it, that was a pretty good analogy to use. Lucy was stick thin and her eyes were large and dark and darted around like some untamed brumby. She was fairly sure that the young nurse wouldn't appreciate the comparison though.

"I know, I'm sorry," Lucy agreed, avoiding meeting Duffy's gaze. "Are we busy today?" She hoped not. At least then she could feel less guilty about being - she looked at the clock - forty-five minutes late.

Duffy wondered on what planet Lucy was living. You only had to look around to see they were rushed off their feet! With Anna in hospital herself and Collette looking after her daughter Natalie, they were down two nurses, not to mention the fact that Patrick was not only on some other planet, but a whole other universe today. And they were trying to organise Josh and Collette's wedding too, after yesterday's disaster.

Eventually Duffy sighed It wasn't really Lucy's fault after all. "Just a bit. You can go and take over from Dillon in cubicle four if you like. Easy job, some stitches in a boy's hand. Think you can manage that?"

Lucy nodded, glad that Duffy was too busy to waste time berating her, and headed to the cubicle. Dillon Cahill glanced up from where he was suturing a teenage boy's hand. Dillon was attractive Lucy supposed; tall, blond, blue eyes, chiselled jaw. Every time she saw him, she was impressed by his model looks. Nice too, if you were interested in that kind of thing.

"Duffy said I could take over from you," she said.

Dillon frowned. "Really? Well I'm almost done, really, Liam's not quite skilled enough at bmxing yet to prove much of a problem." He grinned at the boy. Lucy almost envied him for a second. It was a long time since she'd been able to joke with a patient like that.

The boy snorted. "I could thrash you," he challenged Dillon.

"Probably," Dillon agreed. He tied off the ends and snipped the thread. "Right, that's done then. There's nothing for you to do here, Luce."

Lucy visibly flinched at the name. "Okay," she said nodding slowly. "And it's Lucy," she added coldly, pulling the curtain closed behind her.

"Where the hell is that Yorkshire idiot when you need him?" Lara Stone, SHO, demanded, as she rifled through a pile of test results. "For once I could actually do with his input! Where is he, Dillon?" She turned her attention towards the nurse crossly. Usually she couldn't get rid of Patrick, he'd linger around offering his "helpful" advice and generally irritating her.

Dillon shrugged as he filled out a patient's file. "Search me. Last I saw of him, he was stalking off to Max's old… I mean, Max's office." He winced at the slip. Max Gallagher, the ED consultant until recently, was suspended pending investigation, thanks to Patrick's intervention. Another case of him meddling when he wasn't wanted.

Lara paused, acknowledging Dillon's mistake, before saying, "What is up with him today? He's just so stroppy and snappy and…"

"Patrick?" Chloe supplied the adjective jovially. "All the usual traits then. Can you come and look at my patient when you're done there?"

Lara looked at Dillon pointedly. "You see what I mean? I can't do all of his work and mine and -" she checked no one was listening, "put up with bloody Philippa as well!" She followed Chloe to cubicle seven.

Lucy walked to the nurses' station and rubbed a name off the board firmly. Dillon watched her. Lucy Hart was pretty in her own quiet unassuming way. Never looked particularly well groomed, she looked too thin too. Her eyes had dark shadows under them, and she always looked tired. But she was pretty. Quick-tempered though, as she'd proved earlier with her sharp retort to what had been a simple slip of the tongue. Now she wouldn't even look at him. Maybe he should apologise.

"Listen, Lucy, about before…" he began. "I didn't mean to offend you…"

"It's fine," Lucy replied, still not looking at him.

"No its not," Dillon insisted. "I was wrong, if you like being called Lucy…"

"Look its cool, alright?" Lucy shot him a look and then turned round to walk back out to reception. Dillon blinked in surprise at her sudden departure, before returning to his paper work.


	3. Tensions in the staffroom

Patrick dialled the number again hurriedly, hoping no one would miss him while he tried to reach Rachel. He hated leaving it like this, he hated thinking about her going back to Greg. If he could just get to answer the phone…

It switched to voice mail again and he finally plucked up the courage to leave a message. "Rachel, it's me," he said. "Look, I'm sorry about this morning. Call it commitment phobia or just me being a man. But I do, Rachel. I love you…" He put the phone down. He'd never meant to fall for Rachel James like this. It was only supposed to be a quick fling. She was married for God's sake! But now she wanted to end it with him, and go back to her marriage, something they'd both agreed was always going to happen, he suddenly couldn't handle it. What the hell was happening to him?

He headed back down to the staff room, hoping that no one would catch him before he made yet another cup of coffee. As he opened the door he inwardly groaned (he'd stopped outwardly groaning since the day he'd had to pay a pound every time he irritated or upset someone). There was that blonde nurse, Lucy Hart. Again. He'd hoped he'd have some time alone for a minute or so, but she was obviously on her break. The worse luck for him.

She was making tea. The kettle had just boiled. Patrick grabbed a mug and chucked some coffee in before putting it on the work top underneath her nose.

Lucy looked at the cup before turning to look at him, and Patrick could have sworn he saw a look of disgust on her face.

"What did your last slave die of?" she asked, fishing the tea bag out her own mug.

Patrick was momentarily nonplussed. Normally _he_ was the one being rude to other people not the other way around! He frowned. "I just thought… seeing as the kettle's in your hand…" he said, before regaining his composure. "It wouldn't kill you to chuck some water over it, would it?"

Lucy poured water over hurriedly, spilling some on her hand. She yelped involuntarily.

"I didn't mean you to chuck it over yourself!" Patrick exclaimed, instinctively reaching out to look at her scalded hand. Lucy pulled away. "Let me have a look!"

"It's fine, it doesn't need looking at!" Lucy glared at him, her hand red and already blistering. "It's just fine!" She stalked towards the door.

"What about your tea?" Patrick asked.

"I've gone off the idea," Lucy retorted, shutting the door behind her.

"Skiving off to attend weddings!" Jack Vincent, the receptionist, shook his head in disbelief. "Would never have believed it of you, Duffy!"

"Jack!" Charlie warned him.

"I was only saying!" Jack protested. He looked to Lucy for some support. "What do you think?"

"About what?" Lucy looked up from the notes she was filling in. Charlie couldn't help thinking that all he ever saw Lucy do was fill in case notes or treat patients. Which was obviously her job, but he was used to young nurses loitering around reception. And it wasn't that he condoned that sort of behaviour, but… it seemed highly unnatural to him.

Jack, mate, shut up," Tony Vincent, his older brother and a security guard for the ward, warned him. "Give Josh and Collette all the best from me, yeah?" he added to Duffy.

Lucy vaguely remembered something about that, and frowned. "What? I thought they got married yesterday?"

Jack laughed. "God you're behind! What happened was…"

"Things didn't go according to plan," Charlie filled in for him. "So they're doing it today. And Duffy, you better get up there."

Lucy felt strangely removed as they all made Duffy vow to give the couple a thousand different messages. She had nothing to say really. Collette was nice enough and so was Josh, but she didn't really _know_ them, not well enough to say anything special anyway. It was the first time she'd felt so distant from the rest of the staff. It was the first time she'd cared.


	4. End of Dream

"Rachel James, early thirties, severe abdominal bruising, blow to head, unconscious on arrival," Nikki Marshall filled everyone in on the patient she and Comfort were bringing in. "She was found by a man walking his dog. Suspected assault."

"Ok, has everyone got a bit?" Comfort Newton asked. "On my count, one, two, three!" They lifted the stretcher over onto the bed and they set about attaching her to various machines.

"Right, we'll need bloods and tests," Philippa Kinross, acting consultant, directed them. "Lucy, can you check her stats please?"

Lucy began checking her heart rate, blood pressure and other various statistics. Lara began checking the patient over, before looking sharply round at Nikki.

"Is this Rachel, Rachel the policewoman?" she checked.

"You know her?" Philippa asked.

"She's been involved with a few cases," Lara explained.

Dillon crossed to the other side of the bed, next to her, on the pretence of going to ring for bloods. He leant in close to her and said in a low voice, "She's also Patrick's girlfriend."

Lucy heard and looked up in alarm at the same time as Lara did. Dillon looked at the two women forcefully, willing them not to say a word.

Lucy stared down at Rachel wordlessly. She was Patrick's Jamie.

"Lucy!" Lara nudged her hard. "Can you put a line in please?"

"Sure." Lucy jerked herself out of her reverie and began trying to save Rachel's life.

Lucy looked at Patrick's face as Dillon admitted defeat and let Lara continue heart massage. It had been fifteen minutes since Rachel had crashed and Patrick hadn't shown any emotion as yet, but the façade was beginning to crack. He'd forced Philippa out the way over an hour ago, and things had seemed to be on the up. But this was hopeless. Lucy felt drained suddenly, thinking back to that night nearly three years ago when she had been standing in Patrick's shoes. She knew if Lara couldn't bring Rachel round it would be her turn to try, and she honestly didn't think she could.

"Patrick, it's been fifteen minutes," Charlie said gently. Lucy didn't know if he knew about Rachel and Patrick, but he was being incredibly kind. "She hasn't responded."

"We just need to keep trying," Patrick insisted, not taking his eyes off Rachel's face.

"Patrick," Charlie looked at the doctor with a pained expression.

Patrick exhaled slowly before nodding. "Does everyone agree we should stop?" he asked.

Dillon and Lara nodded. Lucy forced herself to agree. She knew that deep inside Patrick wanted them to disagree with him, to demand to fight on. But what was the use? It would only prolong his torture.

Patrick nodded.

"Time of death 15.33," Charlie said.

"Thanks everyone," Patrick said in a small voice, before leaving recus.

"Dillon, Lucy, can I leave you to sort things out here?" Charlie asked. "Lara, I think you better go and find Patrick. The husband needs telling."

Lucy began unhooking the many machines that Rachel was connected to. She hated these moments when everything seemed to return to normal somehow, a routine job. She knew what she had to do and she did it, unquestioningly, while some poor person's heart was breaking. Sometimes her job sucked.

Dillon glanced over at her. Without really knowing why, he said, "We did our best, Lucy."

Lucy looked up, surprised he'd spoken. She'd been in situations like this, with him, and other nurses, and they'd done it all in silence. She managed a weak smile. "I know. But sometimes our best isn't good enough is it? I've heard it all before." She pulled the bed clothes over Rachel's bruised and battered body, pleased that at least they could give her some of her dignity back.

Dillon hesitated before saying, "About Patrick and… well… no one else knows…"

"It's cool," Lucy said nodding firmly. "I'll keep it quiet." She paused. "Who's going to tell her husband?"

Dillon shrugged. "Patrick I guess."

Lucy looked at him in alarm. "But…"

"It'll be hard, but…" Dillon trailed off.

"It'll be worse than hard," Lucy said quietly. "It'll feel like every word is making you sick and like your heart is breaking with each breath. If he can get through it without breaking down, he'll be lucky."

Dillon looked at her in amazement. He'd never heard her say so much in one go, and there was so much passion behind what she was saying.

Almost immediately she shook herself. "Anyway, I guess that's us done here then. I better go and see what Duffy has in store for me next."


	5. Visiting

Despite desperately wanting to work over Christmas, Lucy had forced herself not to. And instead had spent it in bed, watching old Disney movies. A much better use of her time. She couldn't wait to get back to work. She practically ran into the department, desperate to escape the claustrophobic atmosphere of the flat. As she neared the hospital, she wondered, not for the first time, how Patrick's Christmas had been. Then she shook the thought out of her head. It was stupid feeling sorry for him; he'd probably forgotten about Rachel already.

On time for once, Lucy was able to hear Charlie's briefing for the day.

"Now, as I'm sure you're all aware, with Patrick absent, we're a doctor down, as well as missing nurses, so if we could all please pull together today," he asked. "And please try and avoid singing Christmas carols, I think we've all had it up to here with them!"

Patrick was absent? Maybe he had taken some leave then, though who knew how he'd swung that! He wasn't even married to Rachel.

She caught Dillon in a quiet moment. It was the first time she'd approached anyone with a question like this, she realised, and she hesitated before asking, "Is Patrick taking some leave, then?"

Dillon looked at her frowning. "No. Didn't you hear? He's been in ITU overnight with hyperthermia."

Lucy's eyes widened. "What?"

Dillon lowered his voice. "The likelihood is that Greg James was involved. Rachel's husband, remember? Anyway, Lara found Patrick half-drowned in a lake. He had a bloody lucky escape."

"Sounds like it." Lucy hesitated. She didn't know why she was so desperate to see Patrick, she didn't know why she kept on thinking about him. It was stupid. "Is he well enough for visitors?"

Dillon couldn't help smiling. "Why, are you volunteering?"

Lucy blushed and shook her head. "No of course not." She turned to go.

"Lucy," Dillon said softly. "Yeah, he is."

Patrick could hardly believe his eyes and he wondered if he was still ill and hallucinating. What the hell was Lucy Hart doing up on his ward with… flowers? He considered asking for a second opinion, but then stopped himself.

Lucy hesitated as she got to the foot of the bed. Then she thrust the flowers at him awkwardly. "Erm, these are for you. I'd have brought you chocolates but I didn't know what you liked…"

"Flowers. Lovely," Patrick said. He gestured to the vase by his bed. "Shove them in there. No one's brought me flowers yet."

Lucy nodded and then stepped back. "So how are you?" She felt stupid now she was here; what the hell was she doing? She'd never exchanged more than a few words with Patrick, and they'd been sharp angry ones. Why was she here on her break?

"I'll live," Patrick said nonchalantly. "Takes more than some nutter trying to drown me to finish me off."

Lucy nodded, more for something to do than in agreement. This was a mistake, a huge mistake. She shouldn't be here. She had to get out.

"Anyway, I just thought I'd bring you some flowers to liven the room up…" she said, biting her lip anxiously. "I really ought to go."

Patrick managed to rouse himself enough to ask, "How was your Christmas?" He wondered why he'd asked. He was never normally interested in other people's social lives.

Lucy drew on all her reserved energy and brought out the classic fake smile she'd perfected over the past few years. "Good, yeah. Can't complain. Well, not compared to you. Yours wasn't very good."

Patrick shrugged. "It was no worse than other years. I never like Christmas much anyway."

Lucy let her smile drop. She nodded in agreement. "That makes two of us then," she said quietly before leaving the ward.

"I suppose we should really go up and visit Patrick," Chloe said with a big sigh as the shift finished and they all congregated in the staff room. "Miserable git that he is, he didn't deserve that."

"I doubt he'd want you turning up with that attitude though." Tony laughed. "Wonder how he is though?"

"He's okay," Lucy said without thinking, and then instantly regretted. She'd never got involved in the gossip amongst the staff before, it just wasn't her. And she couldn't believe she'd let slip about her visiting Patrick. Everyone would think she was crazy.

"You what?" Chloe looked at her, a bemused smile on her face. "How do you know?"

Dillon was watching her too, and Lucy felt a blush creep over her face.

"Oh you know." She shrugged. "I heard Lara telling Charlie. He's fine." She swung her locker door shut and hurried out of the staff room, her face hot and flushed.

Chloe shook her head in amazement as Lucy left. "She's a weird one, that girl. Never says anything and then comes out with something like that! Do you think Patrick was," she raised her eyebrows suggestively, "with her too?"

"Anything's possible with Patrick Spiller," Nikki pointed out. "They'd make a good couple, as sulky and stroppy as each other. Now are we going down the pub or what?"

"I'll go ahead," Dillon said decisively, heading for the door. "I'll meet you there in a bit." He hurried out after Lucy.

She was walking across the car park, searching for her car.

"Hey," Dillon called.

Lucy jumped and then turned round. "Oh, it's you. You scared the life out of me."

"Sorry," Dillon apologised. He shoved his hands in his pockets awkwardly. "So… I take it you visited Patrick then?"

"What business is it of yours?" Lucy snapped back angrily.

"None!" Dillon held his hands up in mock surrender. "I was only asking."

Lucy hesitated. "Yeah, I did," she said in a softer voice. "Is there a problem with that?" she added defensively.

"No, none!" Dillon shook his head. "It's a bit, well, unusual. For you. Well, I mean that…" He pulled a face at his own awkwardness. "I just meant…"

"I know what you meant." Lucy nodded. "I know what you all think of me. But yeah, I went to see him. End of story And I'd prefer it if no one else knew."

Dillon could sense that he wasn't going to get any more out of her. He tried a different approach. "Okay. Look, do you fancy coming to the pub for a bit? A whole load of us are going for a few drinks and I'm sure…"

"I can't."

"Have you got other plans?" Dillon asked, not willing to let her off so easily. When Lucy had first started, she'd been continually asked out by almost everyone until they'd given up, put off by her constant curt refusals. But Dillon always thought it was worth one more try. "Can you not put them off for a bit? Just for one drink?"

Lucy felt a ridiculous anger building up inside of her. "I don't want to come, Dillon. I don't need to feel a part of a gang, okay? I just want to go home. Good night." She got into her car and started the engine, before pulling out of the car park at speed.


	6. Back to work

Patrick had a lot of time to think whilst lying on his back in hospital. And disturbingly, instead of his thoughts being populated by images of Rachel, he kept finding himself thinking about that nurse, Lucy Hart. She hadn't been to see him again since that one time, but let's face it, once was weird enough. She was the last person he'd have expected to see. Well, apart from Max Gallagher or, he thought wryly, Greg James. But she was certainly not on his top ten most likely to visit list. And yet she'd come and had seemed genuine enough in her intentions. He was almost certain she wouldn't have gone straight back down to the ward and filled Chloe, Jack and Tony in on his condition. Now he thought about it, he'd never seen Lucy Hart gossiping like the Welsh nurse. Thinking back now, he could barely remember her saying much at all to the other staff on the department, unless it was strictly necessary. So she hadn't come up on a mission set by anyone else. So why the hell had she come at all?

Pulling into the car park, Lucy noted that Patrick Spiller's beloved sports car was parked in its usual spot. He must be back at work. Nerves filled her entire body. Everyone seemed to have forgotten her strange outburst of a week ago and she'd once again resumed her overlooked position. She prayed Patrick wouldn't say anything today.

"Lucy, you're late. Again." Charlie wondered if it would be easier to tattoo it onto his forehead as the blonde nurse shot into the ED department, trying to look as if she'd been there all along. "You've got to sort this out, I can't keep making allowances for…"

"Don't you live out towards the football stadium?" Both Lucy and Charlie looked round in surprise as Patrick interrupted the conversation without even looking away from the x-rays he was studying. "The traffic was bad out that way this morning. I heard it on the radio."

Lucy briefly wondered what the hell he was talking about. She lived nowhere near the football stadium… then she realised he was throwing her a life line, and she grabbed at it thankfully.

"Er, yeah." She nodded, hoping she could blag her way out of this one. "It was pretty bad."

Charlie sighed. "Well, that's no excuse, but I suppose on this one occasion…"

"Thanks Charlie. I'll get straight to work. Where do you want me?"

"There's an RTA coming in in a few minutes," Charlie informed her. "Two serious injuries and a minor one. I'm sure you could do with the help in recus, right Patrick?"

"Sure," Patrick agreed. He took the x-ray off the light box. "Not broken, just sprained," he informed Duffy. "Like I thought." He headed towards the door and gestured to Lucy to follow.

"Er, thanks," she said as they walked through the department.

"For what?" Patrick asked, not even looking at her. Lucy had to jog to keep up with his fast long stride.

"For saying that to Charlie," Lucy explained. "You didn't have to."

He shrugged. "I won't in future then." He opened the door to resus. "Okay, people, RTA on its way in. Can we clear some space in here please?"

"Duffy, have you got a minute?" Charlie asked the ward sister. "I'd like a quick chat."

"Well, we're pretty snowed under here," Duffy said, as she signed a patient off. "It'll have to be a very quick one."

"Two minutes," Charlie said. "Promise. In my office."

Once inside his office, Charlie folded his arms. "How much do you know about Lucy Hart?"

Duffy looked puzzled. "Lucy? How do you mean? She's a good nurse, a bit less advanced that I'd have thought at her age. She should be on about a par with Dillon really, she's got the potential but -"

"I meant more about her as a person," Charlie interrupted her. "I've been asking around and no one can really tell me anything about her."

Duffy shrugged. "She's very quiet. Maybe she's shy." She smiled wryly. "Maybe she doesn't want all this lot knowing her private business."

"Maybe." Charlie hesitated before adding. "Only I've looked up her address in our records."

"So?"

"She lives on Clifton Street. The other end of Holby from the football stadium," Charlie informed her. When she still didn't respond he continued. "You heard Patrick this morning, saying she must have been stuck in traffic. I thought it was funny at the time, why would he know where she lived? So I…"

"Looked it up?" Duffy looked at him incredulously. "Honestly Charlie! She made up an excuse for being late…"

"No _he_ made up an excuse for her being late," Charlie corrected her. "And Lucy went along with it."

"She saw a chance to get herself off the hook. I'm not condoning it, and maybe you should have a word with her about it, but that's it. There's no big secret with Lucy Hart."

"Good work everyone, thanks," Lara congratulated them, as the driver from the RTA was taken up to a ward. "Minimal problems there. Beat that, Spiller!"

Patrick smiled triumphantly. "Saved the kid's life and his leg. I think we win on this occasion."

Lara rolled her eyes. "Typical! I'm going to get a coffee. You coming?"

Patrick hesitated. He had no idea why but he had an overwhelming urge to get Lucy on her own and… what? What could he ever have to say to her?

"Yeah sure." he nodded. "Black, two sugars."

"Don't push your luck!" Lara laughed as she headed to the staff room.

Charlie passed her in the doorway. "Can I borrow Lucy for a second?" he asked Patrick.

"All yours." Patrick nodded, before following Lara. It was only once he'd left recus that he wondered why Charlie wanted to talk to her. It was unlike him to ask to speak with one of the nurses on duty unless there was something important he wanted to say. Then he wondered why he cared.

"I'm actually in the middle of something," Lucy insisted, somehow sensing that this wasn't just a casual conversation. She fluffed pillows, attempting to appear busy.

"I'm sure Dillon and Collette can manage in here," Charlie said firmly. He fixed her with a steady gaze. "You and I need to talk."

Lucy nodded reluctantly.

"In my office, five minutes," Charlie directed her. "Dillon, can you let Duffy know where she is?"

"Sure." Dillon nodded. Lucy shot him a look. Trust him to be on Charlie's side. Dillon tried his best to look supportive. It wasn't his fault that she'd got herself into trouble.


	7. Uncomfortable questions

Charlie shut the door carefully, making sure they wouldn't be disturbed. Lucy hovered awkwardly by his desk, looking thoroughly guilty.

"Take a seat," Charlie offered.

"I'm fine standing," Lucy replied defiantly. Charlie was amazed at her bottle. He'd come to expect this kind of confidence and boldness from Chloe, but he wouldn't have thought that Lucy had it in her; she always looked so fragile. In some ways it was nice to see that she did have some spirit in her. Still, he couldn't have her being that rude to him.

"It's not a request," he said, gesturing again towards the seat. "Sit."

Lucy obliged ungraciously. She avoided looking at Charlie and he gave up trying to catch her eye.

"I take it you know why I've called you in?" he began

Lucy shrugged. "No. I wasn't aware I'd done anything awful lately. I've not broken any hospital rules…"

"You've been late for every shift you've done in the past six months since you've been here," Charlie pointed out.

"Not every shift."

Charlie found himself getting unreasonably angry. "No, not every shift. But the vast majority. And then you've come up with excuses like today's -"

"I didn't!" Lucy tried to protest but Charlie continued none the less.

"_Today's_, which turned out to be not only highly strained but a complete lie!" he said incredulously. He tried to regain some composure before continuing. In a calmer voice he said, "You don't live anywhere near the football stadium."

"No."

"Then why did you say you did?"

"I didn't!" Lucy exclaimed angrily. What the hell had any of this to do with Charlie? So she'd lied about being late for work; so what? Chloe did it all the time and she never got this level of interrogation.

Charlie sighed. "Okay. Why did you agree with Patrick when he said you did?"

Lucy shrugged. "It seemed a good idea at the time. Look, Charlie, I'm sorry." She attempted to calm down. "I am, I'm sorry for being late all the time and lying. I won't do it again. But I really don't think it's that big a deal."

"I do," Charlie said firmly. "Why has Patrick got himself involved in this?"

"I don't know!" Lucy growled

"Look, if there's something going on between you and him, I think I deserve to know," Charlie said. "I'm not going to be made to look a fool again like I was with him and Rachel James."

Lucy stared at Charlie in amazement. "You think me and Patrick…?" She shook her head.

"So you're not?"

"Of course I'm not!" Lucy cried.

"Okay," Charlie said.

"Now can I go back to my job now please?" Lucy didn't wait for a reply before storming out of his office. She needed a break.

* * *

Lucy was aware of Patrick's presence before he spoke. She huddled into her thin jacket as she sat on the bench outside the hospital, playing with a cigarette. She hadn't smoked in months, nearly a year.

"They'll kill you."

Lucy kept her back turned to him. "I'll take my chances. It's not lit anyway." She didn't add that when she'd bought the packet, she'd completely forgotten about buying a lighter.

Patrick sat down next to her. "Here," he tossed a lighter into her lap. Lucy stared at it before picking it up. She looked at him quizzically.

"It's a long story." He shrugged.

Lucy didn't ask. She lit the cigarette and inhaled thankfully, before handing the lighter back to him.

"Not that I'm encouraging it of course," he said, putting it back in his pocket.

They sat in silence, though Lucy couldn't say it was uncomfortable. Finally, Patrick cleared his throat awkwardly. "Thanks for coming to see me when I was ill," he said.

"Don't mention it."

"Bit out of character," he continued. "For you, I mean."

Lucy looked at him again. "What do you mean?"

"Well, we've never been the best of friends, have we? We barely know each other."

Lucy took another drag on her cigarette, before knocking the ash off onto the ground. "You're a colleague. You were ill. I'm sure I wasn't the only visitor you had."

"No," Patrick agreed. _But you're the one I thought about most_, he added silently. He didn't know what he was doing here, making small talk on a bench with an antisocial nurse who was committing suicide by nicotine. It was cold outside too; not exactly the ideal conditions for someone recovering from pneumonia.

"What did Charlie want?" he asked after a long pause.

Lucy smiled dryly. "To ask why I'd lied about this morning." She didn't want to mention the suspicions about her and Patrick. It was way too embarrassing.

Patrick winced. "Ouch. Sorry."

Lucy was momentarily taken aback. Patrick Spiller never said sorry. She faked a nonchalant front. "It wasn't your fault. I should be on time. Speaking of which…" she said as she stood up and ground her cigarette butt into the ground. "I better get back inside before they miss me."


	8. Bonding

"You alright, Charlie?" Dillon asked at the end of the shift that day. He'd never seen Charlie look so irritated about something, not even bed shortages or bureaucratic nonsense.

"I'm fine." Charlie was about to walk away when he turned back to Dillon. Dillon Cahill was an intelligent guy; he was sensitive and quiet, but kept his ear to the ground. Maybe he'd know something about the mysterious Lucy Hart. "Dillon, what do you know about Lucy?"

"Not a lot. She's a good nurse, hard worker. But she keeps herself to herself. Bit short-tempered, but alright. Why? Is there a problem?"

Charlie sighed. "No, not really. I mean… I've got this feeling. Something's not right. I was hoping you could shed some light on the subject. Do you know anything about her and Patrick?"

"Patrick?" Dillon fought the urge to yelp. "Erm, no. Nothing. Is there anything to know?"

"Probably not." Charlie really had to let this one go. "Thanks Dillon. Go on, go home and enjoy yourself."

Dillon laughed. "Not much hope of that, I'm doing a night shift tonight. Samaritans," he added quietly before Charlie could reprimand him for moonlighting. "And it's my day off tomorrow."

"I wasn't going to say a word." Charlie smiled. "Night." He picked a stack of paperwork up off his desk. Was this all really necessary, he wondered, not for the first time.

"Charlie! Good, you haven't gone home yet," Jan Goddard, the Chief Executive and his on-off girlfriend, said enthusiastically as she caught up with him. "Listen, I've been sent some information and I thought you might be interested in it…"

* * *

"Team building?" Anna Paul exclaimed, looking at the noticeboard.

"I thought that went out in the nineties!" Jack scoffed.

"Duffy, you can't be serious!" Lara rolled her eyes. "Send a group of us to roll around some woods somewhere in the name of togetherness? How is that a good idea?"

"I know, I know." Duffy nodded wearily. Trust Charlie to go away on holiday to Canada and leave her to deal with this mess. "It wasn't my idea, believe me. It was…"

"A management initiative," Dillon completed the sentence for her, without a hint of irony. "Of course. So… what exactly is it?"

"More importantly, which poor souls are you going to make do it?" Collette Griffiths asked.

"Yeah!" Lara nodded. "Because let me tell you now, it's not going to be me."

"Or me," Collette agreed.

Before the whole of the department could insist that it wasn't going to be them, Duffy called for some silence. "In the interests of fairness, it's been decided that the six members of the department to take the course will be picked at random."

"Oh great!" Anna grumbled.

"Do we draw straws or what?" Patrick asked sarcastically. "This is ridiculous!"

Duffy ignored the registrar's strop. "And the draw was done this morning -"

"By an impartial body?" Fin Newton, the paramedic, suggested, grinning widely.

"The draw was done this morning and the six people going on the course are…" Duffy glanced down at the piece of paper she had. "Chloe, Dillon, Jack, Lara, Lucy and Patrick."

"What?" Lara looked at her in alarm. "Patrick's just recovered from pneumonia, are you crazy?"

Patrick frowned at her, giving a slight shake of his head.

"It's not that kind of team building," Duffy insisted. "It's… look, it's all in the leaflet," she said, handing a few out. "If anyone has any problem with this, you can take it up with Jan Goddard." She looked around frowning. "Where _is_ Chloe?" She'd better be in, Duffy had had the police breathing down her neck about her for days. "Anna?"

"Chloe?" Anna looked shifty. "I haven't seen her… she didn't come home last night." She smiled weakly. "You know Chloe, she'll show up."

"Hmm. Well, everyone else get to work," Duffy concluded. She'd have to get onto the agency again… she was almost certain that Chloe Hill wouldn't show up, today or ever again, if the last few weeks had been anything to go by. "Now we've all got work to do, so I'll leave you all to it."

Lucy hurried after her. There was no way she'd do this team-building thing, it was a stupid idea. "Duffy," she said, catching up with her. "Listen, this team-building thing… I really don't think it's me, I'm sure there's someone else who would be more suitable -"

"Lucy, it was pot luck," Duffy interrupted. "You drew the short straw. I'm afraid there's nothing I can do, it wasn't my idea. You can talk to Jan Goddard if you like, but…"

Lucy had no intention of talking to her about anything. "But I'm sure someone else would be willing to -"

"I don't have time for this, Lucy. It's one day, read the leaflet, it doesn't sound too bad. Now let me get on with my job," Duffy said firmly, heading into the cubicle area. Lucy was the one person who the course might actually do some good and she was trying to get out of it. Typical.


	9. Lost

"So we have to navigate and drive our way to a special meeting point?" Dillon looked at the instructions the course leader had handed them doubtfully.

"Yeah!" the course leader, Jim, nodded enthusiastically. He handed them maps. "In pairs. One map reads, the other drives. And the first team home wins!"

"I fail to see how this is team building," Lara remarked dryly. "A competition in pairs."

"Who picks the teams?" Anna, a last minute replacement for Chloe, asked.

"Oh, we've already paired you up," Jim explained. "Lara, you'll be with Dillon, Chloe with Jack…"

"Anna, actually," Anna corrected him. "Chloe's not coming."

"Ah right," Jim adjusted his notes. "Anna with Jack and Lucy with Patrick. It's up to you who drives or whatever. Breaking speed limits or dangerous driving will not be tolerated. We've timed how long the journey should take you, and anyone wildly under that time will be dealt with severely." He looked at his watch. "Okay, here's your car keys… I make it one o'clock, so we'll start… NOW!"

Lucy looked at Patrick doubtfully as the others walked off, Jack even managing to seem interested.

Patrick shoved his instructions into his back pocket. "I'll drive," he said, taking the keys out of her hand. "You can map read I assume?"

Lucy glared at him. "Of course. But if you're worried about it, maybe you should do the navigating."

"And let you drive?" Patrick looked at her disdainfully. "I've seen your car… more bumps than I've had hot dinners. Just make sure you don't get us lost and we'll be fine."

* * *

"Out of petrol?" Lucy looked at the dial disbelievingly. "What do you mean we're out of petrol? How the hell could you not notice that?"

"It passed me by, okay?" Patrick snapped back. "If you'd spoken up more clearly giving me the sodding directions, I could have paid more attention to other things."

"I was saying them clearly enough!" Lucy retorted angrily. "You were driving, you should have been aware of those kind of things! Are you sure it won't start?"

Patrick turned the key in the ignition and it made a hideous choking sound. He looked at her. "Quite sure."

Lucy slumped back into her seat. "Well, what are we going to do now? We can't just sit here!" She looked up and down the desolate country road she'd taken them onto. Why couldn't they have broken down on the bloody motorway? At least they'd have been near some civilisation. "Call for some help."

"No signal." Patrick tossed his phone onto the back seat in irritation. He hit the steering wheel, hoping for some inspiration, but all he could conjure up was annoyance. "If you'd stuck to main roads, like I suggested…"

"It was _you_ that decided to take a random turning!" Lucy shouted back. "I was trying to get us back to somewhere vaguely civilised!"

They both fell silent, fuming inwardly. How the hell had they ended up in the middle of nowhere, stuck in a car with each other?

"This is stupid," Patrick said finally. "I'm going to find someone."

"Who?" Lucy demanded. "Patrick, it's freezing outside, and it's getting dark. You have no idea where we are! You can't just go wandering off…"

Patrick glared at her. "Well what do you suggest we do? Stay here all night?"

Lucy shrugged. "I don't know. But no point us freezing to death."

"Once is enough for one year," Patrick said flippantly.

Lucy winced. "Sorry. I didn't mean that. I just meant…"

"Forget it." Patrick sighed. "But what the hell are we going to do? We haven't got any food or water or…"

"Lucky I brought some then." Lucy produced some crisps and a bottle of water from her bag.

Patrick looked at her, a faint smile on his lips. "Ever prepared. Going to share the goods?"

Lucy handed him the packet of crisps. "I'm not hungry."

Patrick frowned. "It's cold, you need to eat. We could be stuck here for god knows how long."

Lucy shook her head. "Really. You can have them."

Patrick opened them and ate one. "We'll share them," he said firmly. He looked at his watch. "Five o'clock. I bet the others have nearly reached the place by now. What was it called again?"

"Hunter's Green," Lucy replied. "Could they have picked anywhere more remote?" She traced the route on the map. "Middle of nowhere."

"Rather like this," Patrick remarked. He turned the heating on the car up. Lucy instantly slammed it off.

"You'll drain the battery," she said in explanation. "And we might need the heating later if it gets really cold." She looked in the back seat. "There're some blankets in the back anyway. Use one of them if you're cold."

Patrick nodded. "Okay. You know about draining the battery. Not many women I know would think of that."

"My husband, Jamie, was a mechanic," Lucy said before she could stop herself. Then she wanted to bite the words back; she'd never mentioned Jamie to anyone in Holby. She'd moved down here to get away from it all.

"And couldn't bear to have an illiterate wife," Patrick nodded. "Good man."

Lucy waited for him to remark on some element of her statement but he went back to looking out the window at the rapidly darkening sky.

After a long time, Lucy ventured to say, "I'm sorry about Rachel, by the way."

Patrick turned his head to look at her so quickly that Lucy was sure he'd have hurt his neck. "What about her?"

"Well, her…" Lucy hesitated before saying, "her accident and everything. It must be awful for you."

"It's no big deal" Patrick returned his gaze to the now twinkling stars.

"Of course it is! You can't say it isn't, she was your girlfriend, she…"

"I don't want to talk about it," Patrick said firmly.

Lucy respected his decision. "Okay. But if you do ever want to talk about it…" She knew she was behaving stupidly; keep your head down and don't make any sudden movements was practically her mantra. Why mess things up now?

Patrick looked at her incredulously. "What? You mean I should talk to you?"

"If you want."

"Some nurse who I've never spoken to in my life before?" Patrick remained amazed at her offer. "Why the hell would I want to do that?"

"Don't exaggerate!" Lucy glowered at him. "I came to see you in hospital! You spoke to me then!"

"Yeah, why did you come that day?" Patrick demanded. He wasn't sure why he was so angry, it was stupid. "To have a good look at the bloke who nearly died? Technically _did_ die for a few minutes?"

"No!"

"Then why?"

Lucy looked away from him, and down at her cold hands. "Because I had to," she said quietly.

Patrick continued looking at her dubiously.

"I needed to see you," Lucy continued. "Because… I thought I could help. I knew how you were feeling."

"Why, you've had some guy knock seven bells out of you too?" Patrick said sarcastically.

"No, not about that. About Rachel."

"How could you possibly know how I'm feeling?" Patrick shook his head.

"Because…" Lucy gulped. She couldn't believe she was telling anybody this, let alone Patrick Spiller. "Because I've been there. Because… Jamie died."


	10. Found

"Where the hell are they?" Lara looked at her watch anxiously. "They've been missing for hours. It's getting cold."

"They'll be fine," Dillon insisted. "They're probably just around the bend, arguing. The two of them will be pretty volatile."

"We've checked the main routes." Jim got off his mobile phone. "No sign of them. There's any number of back roads to try, but I don't see why they'd have taken any of them. Did no one see them on their way here?"

Jack shook his head. "No. Look, is there anything we can do? We could drive around…"

"And all get lost!" Anna exclaimed. "I'm sure Patrick and Lucy are fine."

Lara walked away from the others, dialling Patrick's number again. Still no answer. Dillon followed her.

"They're fine, Lara, I know it," he repeated.

"Patrick's just out of hospital, he shouldn't be out in this," Lara said, trying to hide her anxiety and failing. "What if they've had an accident or something? They could need our help, they could…"

"Patrick will be fine," Dillon said calmly, putting an arm around her shoulders. "He's a strong bloke, a fighter, remember?"

"He's fought too much lately, what if…?" Lara tailed off and blinked back tears. "I mean, I didn't save his life to have him do something stupid now. He's such an idiot, why couldn't he stick to main roads?"

Dillon was puzzled too. Why take the back roads, when the main ones were so much easier and straightforward? Still, he couldn't let Lara know that he was worried too, and not only for Patrick.

* * *

"We were childhood sweethearts," Lucy explained, sniffing. "Together since we were fifteen. We lived in the same road, went to the same school, were only born six days apart. Everyone always said we'd end up together. You know those couples at school that are always together, walk to lessons together, walk home together, eat lunch together? That was us." She sighed. "Our parents thought we were crazy when we moved in together at seventeen; we were both at college and could barely afford the rent, but it was all we'd ever wanted, to be together. And then we both completed our courses and began working. We didn't need much money, we rarely went out. It was just perfect."

Patrick, far from feeling nauseated as he'd expected to when Lucy began her story, was instead completely engrossed in it. He still couldn't admit that he envied the sort of flat they'd no doubt lived in though. "Sounds it."

Lucy smiled ruefully. "I know it sounds pathetic, but it was perfect for us. Jamie proposed to me on my nineteenth birthday, and we got married within a few months. Bog standard, simple wedding, no frills. My parents went mad of course, and his weren't much better. All said we were getting tied down too young. But it didn't feel like being tied down, it felt like being complete and whole. I thought it was wonderful."

"How long were you married before…?" Patrick tailed off.

"About a year," Lucy replied. "He was out testing a car for a customer at the garage one day. The brakes failed and he crashed into a wall. They brought him in to the hospital I was working at, wouldn't let me work on him. I had to stand by as they tried to save him. I'd never realised what the relatives went through."

"It must have been awful," Patrick remarked. "At least I was involved with Rachel, at least I could say I tried."

"I was in no state to help. I'd have been useless." She stared out the windscreen in front of her. "But to see him lying there… it was like someone else, not my Jamie. I kept expecting some other relatives to show up; I couldn't believe it was me this time."

"Married and widowed by twenty," Patrick said quietly. This explained the Lucy Hart attitude, the secrecy and the lies.

"Pretty good going, isn't it?" Lucy managed to laugh weakly. "James Dean would be proud. I couldn't stand to see that hospital every day after that. I moved around a few places, but as soon as they found out about Jamie, it all changed, they began giving me funny looks. So when I came here I decided not to mention anything. It was easier." She sighed. "And that's why I thought I might be useful to you, cause I've been there. I'm still there."

Patrick nodded. "Yeah, I can see. When did Jamie die?"

"Just over two years ago. On Christmas Eve."

Patrick reeled at the last part. "Jesus, no wonder you hate Christmas then." This Lucy he could identify with. It was becoming clear to him why she'd come to visit him now, and it was slowly becoming clear to him why he'd gravitated towards her lately. Her guarded nature, the look in her eyes, her general body language… it all reflected his own. Lucy Hart was the same as him.

* * *

"It was all over anyway," Patrick said. "Rachel was married, I couldn't commit. I'm useless at that kind of thing, always have been. She was going back to Greg, she dumped me that morning… And then that happened."

"It must have been a shock," Lucy remarked.

"You could say that. I can't help thinking that it was my fault somehow, that if we hadn't rowed, she'd have been thinking more clearly and wouldn't have been so reckless and gone after those guys…"

"From what I could gather about her, she sounded like she'd have done that whether she was angry or not," Lucy pointed out gently.

"But maybe if I'd stayed at the hospital, not gone out on that shout…" Patrick desperately tried not to cry.

"Then what? That poor bloke would have lost his leg? Or worse? You didn't know Rachel would be brought in, and to be honest what could you have done if you were there? Lara and Dillon were there, and Philippa, I'm sure she did what she could -"

"She was crap!" Patrick spat the word out. "Worst bloody consultant I've ever worked with!"

"Even Max?" Lucy suggested, not being able to resist a sly smile.

Patrick looked at her. "Did you just make a joke, Ms. Hart?"

Lucy pulled a face. "Not really. Anyway, we were talking about you."

"I'm sick of talking about me," Patrick said bitterly. "It's all anyone wants to do, it seems. Or talk about the fact that I'm a waste of space and Max is worth ten of me. Or about how they wish Lara hadn't found me in time."

Lucy was shocked. "No one says that!"

"I'm not stupid," Patrick said firmly. "I know I've hardly made many friends around here."

"Neither have I," Lucy pointed out. "But I'd like to think people would want me to live if I was at death's door."

Patrick shrugged. "Well, whatever. I'm just stating a fact. Most people at Holby want me gone."

"Lara doesn't," Lucy said firmly.

Patrick suddenly mellowed. He turned away from Lucy to look out the window, even though it was dark and there was no way she'd be able to see the faint smile on his face. "True," he agreed. "True."

* * *

"Lara, this is crazy," Dillon said, trying to avoid yawning. It was gone six in the morning and they hadn't been to bed all night. It was just starting to get light and Lara had insisted that she go out with Jim when he made his next sweep of the area looking for the lost pair.

Jim didn't bother trying to hide his yawn. "I'm done in, we'll have to give up in a bit."

"You can if you want," Lara said gritting her teeth. "But I'm going to find them."

"Lara, you need to sleep," Dillon said wearily. This was insane, why the hell would they have come up here? It was miles out of the way and up some meandering country lane. There was no way in a million years…

"Oh my god!" Jim exclaimed, as they spotted the rogue car. Lara launched herself out of the car almost before he'd stopped and ran over to the car. Dillon followed.

"Patrick!" she hammered on the window frantically

Patrick raised his head from off of Lucy's shoulder in the back seat and nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Patrick! Oh thank god!" Lara exclaimed as he opened the door and got out blearily rubbing his eyes.

"What?" he looked at them all puzzled. Lara was having to force herself not to fling her arms around him.

"We've been looking all night for you two," Jim informed him, as Lucy woke up and got out sleepily. "What happened?"

"We ran out of petrol," Patrick said, looking at Lucy before adding, "It was my fault, not Lucy's. And I took the wrong turning, despite her directions."

"You could have rung us and let us know you were okay," Dillon said, feeling quite angry now that he'd found they were alright. They'd looked incredibly comfortable together on that back seat… maybe Charlie was thinking along the right lines after all. Lucy looked suitably ashamed and was avoiding looking at anyone, and even Patrick looked embarrassed.

"There was no signal," Patrick replied, shrugging. "No harm done anyway. Who won?"


	11. Sharing the Pain

Back at work on Monday, Lucy was desperately trying to avoid not only Patrick, but Lara, Dillon, Jack and Anna too. It was too embarrassing. They'd all made some rumour up about her and the registrar, and she'd heard it flying around the hospital. And after the stuff she'd said to Patrick in the car, the only thing outweighing her embarrassment was her fear that he'd tell someone else. The last thing she needed was for Lara or Charlie or someone to start pitying her, pointing out the poor young widowed nurse. She was actually starting to like Holby, to feel like for once she could settle somewhere. She really didn't want to move again.

As she walked into the ward she could tell that Anna and Tony had been gossiping about her from the guilty looks on their faces when she walked in. Tony instantly moved away from the nurses' station as Max walked in.

"Not got anything better to do than talk, Anna?" he asked coldly. "There's a patient in cubicle three who needs his hand stitching. Can you sort that out please?"

"Of course." Anna scurried away to Lucy's relief. Maybe today wouldn't be so bad after all. Maybe she'd manage to get through the day without a snide comment or bumping into Patrick or falling prey to Max's temper.

"And you can get into recus!" Max turned to her. "Patrick needs your help. And from what I've heard you two make a good team."

All gone in the blink of an eye.

* * *

Walking to her car that evening, Lucy was desperately trying not to cry. This was so stupid, she'd endured worse days than today, far worse days. Childish nurses bitching behind her back, grumpy consultants, a fourteen year old boy with an attitude problem and a drunk throwing up on her were nothing. So why did she feel so down and upset?

"Lucy!" she winced as she heard Patrick calling her name behind her. "Lucy! Wait!"

She refused to wait. It was cold and she didn't want to talk to him. He'd all but blanked her all day, leading everyone to speculate that he'd dumped her spectacularly.

"Lucy!" Patrick caught up with her. "Could you not hear me calling you?"

"I guess not." Lucy continued walking.

Patrick kept step with her. "Listen, I was going to say, if you're worried about me telling anyone about what you said the other night… well, I'm not."

Lucy let her icy attitude thaw a little. "That's good of you."

"Yeah, well, it's nothing to do with me anyway," Patrick pointed out. "And if you don't want people to know… well I think you're crazy, but that's up to you."

Lucy stopped and glared at him. "You what? Since when did you become an authority on my life?"

"I'm just saying," Patrick said, looking bored with the conversation. "I'm speaking as a doctor, you've obviously got some issues…."

"Issues?" Lucy screeched. "You really think so? So _as a doctor_ what do you suggest I do about these _issues_?" She looked at him disgustedly.

"Well, I've been thinking about that actually," Patrick said awkwardly. He pulled a screwed up bit of paper out of his pocket and awkwardly handed it to her. "Read it, do what you like with it." He turned around and began walking away.

Lucy opened the paper out. In Patrick's unmistakable doctor's scrawl there was a simple command on it: "Challenge 1: Tell Charlie about Jamie."

Lucy stared at it for a few seconds, before looking up to see Patrick's departing back. She was about to call him back and demand he explain what the hell he was suggesting when she read it again. There was no point calling him back. She knew what to do.

* * *

"Isn't it your day off, Lucy?" Charlie asked, as Lucy walked in the front door. It was his first day back from Canada, did he really have to deal with Lucy Hart straight away? He'd already heard the rumours about her and Patrick; he was getting too old for this kind of carry on.

"Yeah." Lucy nodded, avoiding looking at Jack and Anna who were talking in low voices and sneaking glances at her. "I know. I was actually here to speak to you. It won't take long. I just… erm…" She could feel her confidence leaving her, this was insane. She'd made a special journey into work to say what? This was so stupid. What did Patrick Spiller think he was doing, telling her what to do, making up stupid little challenges for her. She should never have come, maybe she could just make something up, say she wanted extra shifts or… wanted to resign, yeah, that was a good one, she could just sign a letter, hand it in, leave… it wasn't like she hadn't done it before.

"Actually, it's fine, it can…" she began saying, aware she looked even more of a fool now, when Patrick came through to reception. Lucy reluctantly and involuntarily met his eyes. He raised his eyebrows and she felt a new resolve. She'd damn well show him she wasn't afraid of his stupid challenges.

Charlie finally got tired of waiting. "Do you want to speak to me, or can I get on with some work?"

"Yes, I do," Lucy nodded emphatically.

"In my office?" Charlie suggested.

Lucy nodded again, and followed him into his office. She sat down without being asked and wondered if that was the right thing to do. Her previous stubborn stroppy behaviour had gone, and she got up again hesitantly.

"Oh, have a seat," Charlie insisted. He moved a pile of papers off of the other chair and sat down himself. "Now I haven't got long I'm afraid, I'm supposed to be meeting the board in a while to review Max's performance, but I can spare about five minutes? You should have made an appointment to see me, I could have set aside some more time…"

"Five minutes is fine."

"I heard what happened on the team building exercise," Charlie remarked, hoping she might give something away about the situation between her and the registrar. "Not a huge success I gather."

"Not exactly." She hesitated before adding, "I didn't come to talk about that though."

"Then what did you come for?" Charlie asked. Lucy was always such hard work, why could she never be simple?

The moment of truth had arrived. "Erm, well, I thought it was about time I told you the truth… not that I've really been lying that much, only… well, I made some stuff up but…" Away from Patrick's gaze her nerve had gone again. What relevance did this have to anything? Why the hell did Patrick think this would help her deal with her "issues"?

Charlie was frowning. "Lucy, what are you talking about?"

Lucy shook her head. "It doesn't matter, really, I just…" She took a deep breath. "I just needed to tell you that… that I'm technically Mrs. Hart, not Ms like it says on all my records. I'm married you see… well, was… he… he died." It had come out in a mess in the end, nothing like she'd rehearsed it.

Charlie looked taken aback and blinked a few times trying to digest the information. He wasn't quite sure why Lucy was here still, why she felt she had to tell him this but it was clearly a big deal to her.

"Right," He nodded. "Um, I'm sorry, I assumed… I mean, you've never mentioned it before…"

"No, I know. I know I haven't and I suppose that was technically wrong, withholding information and all that, but I didn't think it was relevant and… and to be honest I didn't want people to know," she admitted eventually. "And I'd still prefer it if it was kept quiet," she added.

"Of course," Charlie said. "Well, erm, thanks for letting me know, I…"

"It's fine." Lucy was suddenly hideously embarrassed and wanted to get out of his office. "Sorry for taking your time up. I'll let you get back to work." She hurried out the door. Charlie followed her looking bemused.

"What's up boss?" Jack looked up from his computer where Charlie was almost certain he wasn't doing any work. "What did she want? Did she hand her resignation in?"

Charlie looked at the receptionist in disgust. "No she didn't. And if you spent more time doing your job and not thinking up filthy rumours like that, this department would be a lot better off."


	12. Waking up

Patrick had seen Lucy walking out the department and quickly made his excuses to Lara and went after her. She was already at her car by the time he caught up with her.

He wasn't prepared for the reception she gave him.

"What the fuck was that all about?" she demanded, throwing the piece of paper back at him. "What gives you the right to start organising my life? Why can't you just stay out of it?"

Patrick stayed back; Lucy was looking decidedly violent. "I thought it might help. And if I remember correctly, it was you who got involved in my life first."

"I never told you what to do!" Lucy pointed out angrily. Patrick could have sworn he could see tears in her eyes.

"I didn't either," he replied as calmly as he could. "It was a challenge, you could have said no!"

"Oh yeah, and have you win?" Lucy sounded incredulous. "You'd have loved that."

"Since when did this turn into a competition?"

"Since you made my life into a bloody game!" Lucy snapped. "Do me a favour Patrick, and keep your stupid ideas to yourself in future! I'm doing just fine on my own!"

"Oh yeah, cause still being in love with your dead husband is doing just fine isn't it?" Patrick regretted saying that immediately.

Lucy looked like she'd been smacked around the face. The fierce anger left her and she looked determinedly livid. "Don't you ever talk about Jamie like that again," she said quietly. "You have no idea what it's like, none at all. You never loved Rachel, that's obvious, or you'd never have asked me to do what I did today. Have you any idea how stupid and ridiculous I felt in that office? What good was that ever meant to do me?"

Patrick shrugged awkwardly. "I don't know, I thought it might help. You can't go through life keeping big secrets like that, you'll go mad. You needed to tell someone."

"Why? How comes you're the big expert on this?" Lucy demanded.

"Because I know," Patrick said shortly. "Because I've done the same for the past twenty five years. You don't want to end up like me, do you?"

Lucy frowned suddenly. "What do you mean?"

Patrick sighed. "My mum died when I was ten, okay? On Christmas Day. Happy? You're the second person I've ever told. Now do you get me?" He shook his head. "I was trying to help you, Lucy. But obviously you're doing so well without it." He began walking away.

Lucy hesitated, then called after him. "Patrick! I'm sorry!"

He turned round to look at her again.

"What's… what's challenge 2?" Lucy asked in a shaky voice.

* * *

Charlie's mind was still reeling the next day. He didn't want to treat Lucy any differently, she didn't want anyone else to know. But suddenly things were slotting into place: her stroppy behaviour, her reluctance to make close friends here. She was probably still grieving, he thought, though god only knew how long ago her husband had died. Her constant bad time keeping, was that connected to it all? Though she'd actually made it in on time today…

"That was evil," Lucy said quietly, not looking up from her paperwork as Patrick stood next to her, looking at an x-ray. "Have you any idea how loud that alarm clock actually is?"

"I particularly liked the noise it made," Patrick replied.

"Oh yes. I love waking up to the sound of cows mooing," Lucy retorted. They both shut up as Max passed by. "Challenge two completed though," she added when he'd gone.

"Not really," Patrick replied, still not taking his eyes off of the x-ray.

"What?" Lucy looked up at him in irritation. "But I did what you said."

"Ah, but there was never a time limit on it, was there?" Patrick ignored her outburst and carried on speaking calmly and conversationally. "Just be on time for work."

Lucy glared at him. "You're a bastard, do you know that?"

"Oh yes," Patrick took the x-ray down and gave her a cheesey grin. "And I'm proud."


	13. Divided Loyalties

Lara was smoking her cigarette like they were going out of fashion. Dillon, coming back off his break, felt he ought to say something. She got in first though.

"Don't ask," she said angrily, stubbing one cigarette out and immediately lighting another.

"Bad day?" he asked.

"You could say," Lara agreed. She fell silent momentarily before saying, "What is it about Lucy Hart? What does she have that I don't?"

Dillon was taken aback. "Lucy? Nothing… I mean, I don't know, what do you mean?"

"Then why every time I turn around do I find Patrick chasing after her?" Lara asked. "You'd think the bastard would at least have the grace to conduct his flings elsewhere. I mean, Rachel was a bit close to home, Lucy…"

"Hold on, you think Patrick and Lucy…" Dillon frowned.

"You don't?" Lara asked pointedly. "After the other night in the car? After seeing the way they are every time they see each other?"

Dillon shrugged. "They're just feeling awkward cause of the rumours that are flying around. I'm sure nothing happened, I'm sure nothing's happening. Patrick wouldn't…"

"Wouldn't he? Lara looked at Dillon pointedly. "Because he's never dated two women at once before, has he?" She shook her head angrily, stubbing another cigarette out. "I should never have trusted him, I should have gone with my gut instinct."

"Wait, what are you going to do?" Dillon asked as the SHO turned to go back into the hospital.

Lara shrugged. "I don't know," she said, her hard exterior suddenly cracking slightly. "I never meant to fall for him, Dillon. Now I don't know what to do."

* * *

"What's going on with you and Lucy?" Dillon demanded, catching Patrick in the staffroom alone.

Patrick looked at him, attempting to fake ignorance and failing. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Bullshit, Patrick! The whole hospital knows what I'm talking about!" Dillon glared at him. "Look, I've stood by while you've messed girls about before, but this time I'm not going to. Lara's a friend, a good friend, and I can't let you break her heart."

"Lara?" Patrick suddenly looked concerned. What the hell had any of this got to do with Lara? "What about her?"

"If you're cheating on her, she has a right to know," Dillon insisted. "She's not stupid, Patrick, she can see as well as anyone that you and Lucy are…"

"Are what?" Patrick demanded to know. "Sleeping together? Having a fling? Doing anything that constitutes more than being just good mates?"

"Oh come off it, Patrick, since when have you ever been able to just be friends with a woman? And Lucy Hart of all people? Why would you be any sort of friend with her?"

Patrick still wasn't sure of that himself. "I just am," he shrugged. "Look, I don't know what you're getting at here, but you've got absolutely no proof…"

"I know she came to see you when you were in hospital," Dillon played his trump card. "Why would she do that?"

Patrick looked taken aback at this. He'd been so sure that Lucy had come to see him on the quiet and that no one else knew. Now he found out Dillon knew; maybe she had come on a spying mission. Maybe she wasn't the quiet reclusive thing he'd thought she was.

"You haven't got a comeback for that, have you?" Dillon said triumphantly, though he wished Patrick would prove him wrong. He didn't want Lara to be right, he had been so sure himself that her and Patrick were perfect for each other. And he didn't want Lucy to turn into some sort of play thing, the scarlet woman, the reason the love story of the century would end.

Patrick shook his head slowly. "Lucy came to see me that day off her own back. I never asked her to. There's nothing between us like that, there never has been. We're…" He shrugged. "I don't what we are. But Lucy is… she's not Lara, where's Lara?"

"She's with a patient," Dillon said. "You've got a lot of explaining to do to her. If that's the best you can do, you need some practice."

* * *

"Lucy, I know what challenge three is." Patrick finally caught up Lucy as she was remaking one of the cubicle beds. Absent-mindedly he helped her pull the sheet tight, but let go at a crucial second, leaving Lucy to redo it herself.

"Really?" Can you not give me some time for challenge two to settle down first?"

"No, this one's vital," Patrick insisted. "It needs to be done asap."

"Okay, hit me," Lucy nodded wearily.

"Tell everyone about Jamie."

Lucy stared at him speechlessly for a second. "Are you out of your mind?" she asked finally.

"Lucy, please," Patrick found that he wouldn't be averse to begging for her to do this. "You have to do this. Today."

"No way!" Lucy shook her head violently. "Patrick until five days ago, no one knew. Now you want me to tell the whole department? I can't. I won't."

"You can, you've told me, you've told Charlie," Patrick reminded her. "What's the big deal?"

"The big deal? What do you think is the big deal?" Lucy exclaimed. "Christ, Patrick, what is your…?"

"Okay, okay, stupid question," Patrick agreed. "But it needs to be done, it's important."

"How can this be challenge three?" Lucy asked. "Challenge two was about me getting up on time! Buy me another alarm clock, I'd rather that than this! You can't be serious!"

Patrick had to agree, this would have been about challenge eight or nine in the ideal world, but this was serious; Lara had to know the truth. "I am. Today, Lucy."

"How is this going to help me?" Lucy demanded to know. "Tell me that."

"Things will be… out in the open." Patrick hoped he sounded more convincing than he felt.

But I'm not ready for that," Lucy pointed out. "Why are you asking me to do this?"

Patrick hesitated then sighed. "Lara's going to leave me if you don't. She thinks me and you are having an affair. I don't know how else to sort this out."

Lucy stared at him. After a long pause, she spoke. "You continue to amaze me, Patrick Spiller. Just when I thought you couldn't get anymore selfish you go and do this kind of thing." She shook her head. "And I thought you genuinely cared about me. But yet again it's all just some stupid game to you, isn't it? You thought you could use me to get yourself out of a tight space."

"You put me in the tight space!" Patrick reminded her crossly.

"I never asked you to invent this charade!" Lucy retorted. "That's the last time you involve me in anything, Patrick, ever! I hope Lara does finish with you, I'll be there cheering her on all the bloody way!" She ripped the cubicle curtain back to reveal Lara standing on the other side, looking completely shell-shocked. Lucy looked between her and Patrick warily, before leaving them to it.

"Lara, don't," Patrick made a grab for her hand.

"Drop dead!" Lara stormed away from him.

"Patrick! My office, now!" Max fixed the registrar with a furious gaze.


	14. Below the Belt

"…and not only were you stupid enough to mix your love life with your work, but you actually had the nerve to bring it into work with you!" Max continued his tirade. "Disturbing my department with your private affairs, and wasting my time too! Involving two other members of the team with your problems… well, haven't you got anything to say?"

Patrick rolled his eyes. "If you'd let me get a word in edgeways."

"Don't give me your attitude, Patrick, this is really not a good time," Max warned him between gritted teeth. Patrick had been spoiling for a fight for months. The arrogance of the registrar irritated Max beyond belief, and this was the perfect opportunity to let rip.

"Look, I'm sorry for wasting hospital time," Patrick nearly choked on the apology. This was technically none of Max's business! What right had he to tell him how to live his life? "But this isn't what it looks like…"

"No, I'll tell you what it looks like," Max interrupted him. "You've sent an SHO, a _brilliant_ SHO, off home in tears. Personally, I don't know what Lara ever saw in you, but that's her call. You've also not only wasted a nurse's time, but you seem to have managed to completely divide the team. That is what it looks like." He shook his head. "And you don't care, do you? You actually couldn't give a toss about Lara, about Lucy, about the patients, about the reputation of this department… What is your obsession with driving away good SHOs, Patrick?"

Patrick looked at Max sharply. "What is that supposed to mean?" he asked.

"Well, first Holly, now Lara," Max shrugged. "Seems to be a pattern emerging."

"Holly left because of Tom Harvey!" Patrick exclaimed angrily. "Or had you forgotten that? That Holly was being stalked by him, someone who was right under our noses all along! If it hadn't been for me…"

"If it hadn't been for _Dan_, none of us would have known," Max reminded him. "Don't go claiming victories for yourself now, Patrick!"

"I'm not claiming anything!" Patrick growled. "And you're wrong, Max, so wrong… I care about this department, that's why I thought it would be better off without you! And believe it or not, I care about Lara. A lot." He looked at his watch and checked it against the clock on the wall. "Now if you don't mind, my shift finished three minutes ago, so I'll be off now." He slammed out of the door, hoping he wasn't too late to make it all up to Lara.

Before he'd even gone ten paces, Max had wrenched the door open after him. "I think you're forgetting something Patrick."

"And what's that?"

"We're short-staffed… no SHO… if you _care_ about the department so much, prove it," Max challenged him. "Do a double shift."

Patrick turned to face the consultant slowly. "You're joking."

Max raised his eyebrows in answer.

* * *

"Dillon, you didn't have to come round," Lara insisted, as Dillon poured them both a glass of wine. "I'm fine, honestly. I'm a tough cookie, you forget that." She took the offered glass. "At least I know the truth now, don't I?"

Dillon shrugged. "It was still rough on you. I told him he should have told you."

Lara looked at Dillon quickly. "You knew?"

"No! No, I just heard the rumours like you did. I know it wasn't any of my business but I just thought he needed telling. And you're far too proud to ever do that," he added, with a faint smile.

Lara sighed and sat down on her cream leather sofa. "I still can't believe it, you know. I mean, I know he used to play the field, I've seen him with dozens of women. I just though this was different this time, I thought…" She shook her head. "No point going over it is there? It was a bad idea from the outset, we both knew it. Proved us both right. End of." She knocked her wine back in one go. "More?" she offered Dillon.

He shook his head. "No thanks, you have it. You need it more than I do."

Lara laughed. "Cheers mate." She settled back into the cushions. She trailed a finger around the rim of the glass thoughtfully. "Do you think he loves her?"

Dillon nearly choked on his wine. "What? Lucy? Oh, God, I don't know, Lara. It's Patrick, he…" He shrugged. "I doubt it."

"Do you think she loves him?"

"Lara, I don't think this is a good idea," Dillon said patiently. "This isn't going to help things."

"I need to know, Dillon!" Lara said urgently. "I need to know if I was passed over for a quick shag or if this is the real thing. Do you think they'll get together now?"

Dillon stood up look. "Lara, I don't want to get into this. I don't know about any of this. My guess is no, but who knows? Maybe I should just leave you to it." The doorbell rang.

"Shall I get it?" Dillon offered.

"If it's Patrick, I don't want to see him," Lara said determinedly. "There's nothing he can possibly have to say to me that I want to hear."

"Okay." Dillon nodded. He headed for the front door as the doorbell rang again. He opened it. Lucy jumped backwards from being about to press the button again.

"Dillon!" she said in surprise, and he could have sworn he saw a guilty look pass across her face. She bit her lip awkwardly. "I… I didn't expect to see you here."

"Likewise," Dillon replied coldly. "I really don't think this is a good time, I'm not even sure why you're here."

"I want to speak to Lara," Lucy said firmly. She'd got this far, there was no way she'd be turned away at the door. She had to see Lara, she had to do something. Patrick was right, she couldn't manage this without him, she wasn't coping at all. Without Patrick… things would go back to the way they were before, and she wanted to move on. She'd never known how much until the last few days. If doing this one small thing meant Patrick would continue helping her, she had to do it.

"She doesn't want to speak to you," Dillon said. "Seriously, Lucy, you have got a hell of a nerve turning up here like this. How did you even find the address?"

"I pulled in a favour." Lucy dismissed it. Paying Jack ten quid to give her the address was probably highly immoral, but was a vital part of her plan. Jack had seemed delighted with the idea that he might be aiding World War Three.

"Well that doesn't matter," Dillon insisted. "She doesn't want to see…" He trailed off as he heard Lara coming down the hall to join him.

Lara regarded the woman, no more than a girl really, on the doorstep. Patrick's other woman. Why couldn't she feel some sort of hatred for her? Why couldn't she inject some sort of anger into her voice as she spoke?

"What are you doing here?" she asked, suddenly feeling very tired.

"I need to talk to you," Lucy repeated her request.

"I've already told her you don't want to see her," Dillon informed Lara. "I'll get rid of her for you."

Lara looked at Lucy again. What harm could it do to listen to what she had to say? How could she feel any worse than she already did? "You've got five minutes," she said. "Dillon was just leaving."

* * *

Patrick parked his car on a double yellow line, and for once didn't even care about the dodgy looking kid on the pavement. God couldn't hate him enough to get his car scratched today as well as everything else. He half walked, half ran along the street to Lara's house. Reaching the door he took a deep breath and knocked.

There was a long wait until he finally heard footsteps. The door opened.

"Lara! Thank God!" he began and then looked. Lucy was standing behind Lara. He was momentarily speechless, all his long speech suddenly erased from his head.

Lara took the opportunity to get in first. "Lucy was just leaving. She's explained a lot." She paused before adding, "You better come in."


	15. Breaking Through

You could have cut the tension in the staff room with a knife, the next morning. Lucy valiantly struggled on, putting her coat and bag into her locker, as Dillon, Anna, Jack and Nikki all pretended like they weren't looking at her. Lucy longed to tell them to get stuffed, but forced herself not to. What difference did it make what they thought? She'd done the important thing. She'd done all she could to help Patrick out. No one else mattered.

The door opened and Comfort came in. She looked briefly at Lucy, before saying, "Nikki, we've got a shout, come on."

"Okay," Nikki sighed heavily. "I'll see you later, babe," she added, kissing Jack on the cheek and bouncing out after the other paramedic.

"I better get to work," Anna said. "You coming, Dillon?"

"In a minute." Dillon nodded. "If anyone needs me, I'll be here."

Anna raised her eyebrows at him. "Sure."

Jack sighed. "Guess I better get on the desk. Doubt it'll be as fun as yesterday," he added. Lucy was almost sure that was directed at her. The door closed behind the receptionist, and Lucy waited for another few seconds, before turning to face Dillon.

"I know what you think," she said calmly and quietly. "And I actually don't care. So whatever you were going to say, save it." She walked out of the room, trying to convince herself that it had been the right way to attack the situation.

* * *

It hadn't been Lara's intention to end up taking her break at the same time as Lucy Hart, but she couldn't really argue with it. Be professional, that's what she'd always been taught. She'd decided it would be better if they didn't mix for a few days. But here they were, in the staffroom at the same time.

Lucy hesitated at the door. "Look, I'll come back later," she began to say.

Lara kept her back to her, looking out of the window. "Don't go on my account," she said calmly. "No point in fuelling the rumours."

Lucy shut the door gingerly and advanced into the room. She sat down on one of the sofas awkwardly. They couldn't just stay in silence, it was ridiculous to think they could. They had to talk about something…

"That took guts what you did yesterday," Lara said suddenly, turning to face her. She looked at Lucy directly. "A lot of guts."

"Did it?" Lucy asked. She'd never really thought about it at the time.

"Of course." Lara nodded. "I'm not sure I'd have done the same." She took a swig of coffee. "Why?"

Lucy was taken aback by the question, but she knew what she was asking. She shrugged. "I don't know. I… I just felt I had to do it."

"Yes, but why?" Lara asked again. "There must have been a reason. I mean, if you wanted to dispel the rumours, that was hardly the way to do it. From the way people have been acting all day, I assume they all know nothing, still think you're the woman from hell. Didn't really up your reputation at all, did it?"

"I didn't do it for that," Lucy insisted.

"Then why?"

Lucy hesitated. "Have you ever looked at two people and thought they belonged together?"

Lara frowned and shrugged. "Not really."

"I'm sure you have," Lucy replied. "You might not have been aware of it, but… well… that's what I see when I see you and Patrick. You're both so… so the _same_. You're both so independent and brave and proud and," she blushed, "stubborn. You're like two pieces of the same puzzle. You belong together, you wouldn't make sense apart. And I knew that the reason you'd be apart would be me, my 'issues', as Patrick likes to call them. I just didn't think that was fair."

Lara stared at her. There was a long silence before she said, "You really think that of me and Patrick?"

Lucy nodded. "Really."

Lara could hardly believe what she was hearing. Someone actually thought that her and Patrick was a _good_ idea?

"So are you and Patrick…?" Lucy asked cautiously. If they weren't, she'd failed.

Lara nodded slowly. "Yeah, we are. It's on the quiet though for now. Seeing as everyone still thinks he cheated on me with you." She smiled wryly. "Would be nice if you could tell everyone else what you told me."

Lucy nodded. "I know. But…"

"It's okay," Lara insisted. She put her mug in the sink. "It's not really that important." She pulled her coat on. "Right, I'm going for a cigarette. I know, I know, I shouldn't but…"

"Don't explain yourself to me," Lucy smiled. "I'm on your side." She shook her packet of cigarettes at the SHO. "Have one on me, if you like. Peace offering."

Lara took one. "I've actually run out," she admitted laughing. "I owe you one."

"I owe you more," Lucy said quietly.

Lara rummaged in her coat pocket. "Patrick asked me to give you this," she handed the scrap of paper over. "Good luck reading it."

Lucy took the paper and opened it, as Lara left the room. It read: "The REAL challenge 3: accept an invitation somewhere."


	16. Socialising

"You did what?" Anna demanded, looking at Dillon in horror. "Why?"

Dillon shrugged. "I thought it was a bit out of order inviting loads of other people right underneath her nose. Anyway, she is a colleague."

"And it's _my _birthday!" Anna reminded him crossly. She pulled her scarf on roughly. "God, when you said you'd organise something I expected low key, I didn't expect you to dredge the barrel for people!" A thought suddenly occurred to her. "I thought you said Lara was coming?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Are you crazy, man?" Anna asked. "Lara and Lucy in the same room together? After what's been going on?"

"We don't know anything has been going on!" Dillon pointed out. "Besides, I'm sure they're both mature enough to handle it."

Anna rolled her eyes. "Whatever. You better have a bloody good present for me after all this. I'll see you in the pub." She walked out the staffroom as Lucy walked in.

Lucy raised her eyebrows at Dillon. "She didn't look happy," she observed cautiously. "Is it my fault? Look, I knew inviting me was a stupid idea, I don't have to come, I can…"

"You can what?" Dillon asked. "Do you have other arrangements for tonight?"

"No, but…"

"Then you're coming," Dillon insisted, putting his coat on. He looked at the other nurse's terrified face. "Come on, you might even enjoy it."

"Enjoy what?" Lara came in, looking exhausted after a long day.

Um, Anna's birthday drinks," Dillon said awkwardly, looking between the two blondes. "I invited Lucy to come along…"

"Cool, I'll see you down there," Lara said breezily. She winked at Lucy. "Maybe I can repay the favour," she smiled.

"Yeah," Lucy nodded, aware that Dillon was amazed by their exchange. "But don't worry too much about it. I'm trying to quit."

"Aren't we all?" Lara replied. "You two get going, get the drinks in. Mine's a dry white wine, Dillon, in case you're wondering."

"Um, no. Not about that," Dillon said softly, as he walked away with Lucy.

* * *

"She's not so bad," Nikki said in what she thought was a conspiratorial whisper, but after three double vodkas and cokes, her sense of hearing was a bit off. "I mean, there hasn't been a scrap between her and Lara yet and it's… it's… what time is it, babe?"

"Nearly half ten," Jack informed her, looking at his watch. "I'd expected some action by now."

"There's still time," Anna pointed out.

Lucy, listening from behind a pillar couldn't resist smiling.

"Something funny?" Josh Griffin, a paramedic, asked her, as he turned away from the bar. Lucy Hart rarely smiled, at least to his knowledge. It was a shame, she looked really pretty when she bothered. "That's a big smile."

Lucy blushed but couldn't help giggling. "It's nothing," she insisted. "Just… just something someone said."

Josh glanced at her empty glass. "What are you drinking?"

"Me?" Lucy nearly the dropped the glass in alarm. "It doesn't matter, I've had more than enough."

"You've been nursing that drink all evening, what is it?" Josh demanded to know.

"You should really be getting Anna one. It is her birthday, after all," Lucy reminded him.

"I think she's had more than enough," Josh gestured towards the more than slightly inebriated nurse. "Now… what are you having?"

"Archers and lemonade," Lucy smiled, and joined him at the bar.

* * *

"And a dry white wine please," Lara completed her order.

"I'll get these," she whipped round as Patrick's unmistakable burr cut in. He handed his credit card over to the barmaid. "And a pint."

"I wasn't expecting you tonight," Lara remarked, regaining her composure.

"Couldn't miss this could I?" Patrick replied, dead pan. Lara raised an eyebrow at him. He pulled a face. "Okay, okay… I wanted to see if she'd do it."

Lara looked over at where Lucy was standing with Josh, Comfort and Finn, not exactly making conversation, but at least making eye contact. She looked back at Patrick. "Well, she did."

"Yeah, she did," Patrick nodded. His eyes remained fixed on Lucy's oblivious face.

Lara sipped her white wine before speaking. "You really care about her, don't you?" she said.

Patrick brought his attention back to her. "What?"

"Lucy. You… you seem to be obsessed with her," Lara clarified for him.

Patrick sighed. "Lara, we went through this yesterday. There's nothing…"

"I know, I know." Lara nodded. "I know all that. But you still seem to have some sort of feelings for her."

"She's a friend." Patrick tried to shrug it off.

"Dillon's a friend, I don't see you involving yourself this much in his life," Lara remarked.

"No, it's different with Lucy," Patrick admitted. "She's… this is going to sound ridiculous, but she's… she's like me in so many ways. It's almost like we're the same, we're…"

"Soulmates?" Lara suggested dryly.

Patrick grimaced. "Not exactly the word I'd use. She's more like my little sister. One I never had." He shrugged. "Whatever. I'm just impressed she took on challenge three."

"And challenge four is?" Lara asked.

Patrick tapped the side of his nose, not being able to resist teasing Lara. "Between me and Lucy. Come on, I've had enough."

"And who says I have?" Lara asked coquettishly, sipping her wine again. She may have forgiven Patrick for his bizarre behaviour lately, but no way would she turn into a pushover.

"Me," Patrick replied cockily, downing his pint and taking her hand. "Come on, Skippy."


	17. Playing Games

"Patrick," Lucy said, finally locating the elusive doctor. "Have you got a minute?"

Patrick frowned at her and turned back to his patient. "As I was saying, we can let you go for now, outpatients appointment to be made… Nurse Griffiths can organise that." He turned back to Lucy. "Now I have a minute."

"Then can I borrow you?" Lucy asked. She stepped into the adjacent empty cubicle. Patrick followed.

"That was incredibly unprofessional you know, Lucy, just barging in on me and a patient and…"

"Whatever." Lucy shrugged. "This won't take long."

"I'll take it you got the note then," Patrick surmised.

"I did. By the way, nice idea to combine challenge four and five," Lucy said. "But I'm afraid I still think you're completely crazy."

"And why would that be?" Patrick prepared himself to hear yet another reason as to why these challenges were a stupid idea, and why there was no way in a million years that Lucy would, or even could do these ones.

"Well for starters, they're so completely random!" Lucy said. "Get my hair cut and go on a date? What the hell have they got to do with anything? And while we're on the subject, what is wrong with my hair?"

"Nothing, it's lovely," Patrick said flatly. "Nicest hair I've ever seen."

"There's no need for that," Lucy pulled a face. "So it needs a trim. Whose doesn't? It's not like my roots are growing out or anything." She dismissed the hair challenge. "Anyway, that's irrelevant. If you really insist on me having my hair cut then I guess I could do it, though since when you became Nicky Clarke, I have no idea. More to the point, what the hell is challenge five all about?"

Patrick smiled. "If I remember correctly, it says something like, go on a date?"

Lucy glared at him. "Well aren't you smart, remembering what you wrote this morning? Seriously, Patrick, I'm not ready, I've done enough for this week, I can't…"

"You're so negative all the time." Patrick sighed.

"Coming from you!" Lucy exclaimed.

"There's no need to get cheeky," Patrick warned her. "Lucy, honestly, I don't think you realise how ready you are. I saw you the other night at the pub, you've changed in the past few weeks, past few _days_. Everyone's noticed. I just think you need to kick start things again, go on a meaningless date, have a one night's stand…"

"A what?" Lucy stared at him, her jaw dropping. "You must be joking this time!" When Patrick didn't reply she widened her eyes. "Well that is never going to happen! If you think for one minute…"

"Okay, so no sex," Patrick agreed. "But the date thing… you can do that."

"You fail to notice one thing," Lucy said. "I hardly have a line of suitors banging my door down to take me out, do I? I don't even have one, so as far as I'm aware, that means no date. Sorry." She smiled triumphantly.

"That's where you'd be wrong," Patrick said mysteriously. "And that's where challenge four and a half comes in."

"Now that _is_ cheating!" Lucy insisted. "You can't go making up half challenges! There must be a rule against that!"

"My game, my rules," Patrick reminded her.

"Anyone would think you were Doctor bloody Who, not Doctor Spiller," Lucy remarked sulkily. "So what _is_ challenge four and a half?"

"Accept the next date you get asked on," Patrick replied. His beeper went. "That's me."

"And does that have to happen before or after I get my hair cut?" Lucy asked.

"I think the word's _restyled_," Patrick retorted, before disappearing.

* * *

"You've had your hair cut!" Duffy remarked the following evening as Lucy walked into the department for an evening shift. She couldn't help thinking that losing those few inches of blonde wavy hair had made all the difference. It still swung attractively, but wasn't flying in all directions as usual. And was it her imagination or had she had a few streaks of amber put in it?

"Yeah," Lucy touched it self-consciously. It was disgusting to admit, but she hadn't had her hair cut since Jamie had died. Stupid now she thought about it; what the hell had her hair got to do with anything?

"It looks lovely," Duffy said encouragingly. "Doesn't it, Lara?"

Lara looked over at the nurse. She nodded. "Yeah, lovely," she echoed. When Duffy's back was turned, she raised her eyebrows at Lucy curiously. Lucy rolled her eyes.

"I think you can start on the waiting room," Duffy instructed Lucy. "Triage is a bit of a mess, slight accident with a bit of a wild character, so if you want to take them straight into a cubicle."

"Sure," Lucy agreed, heading out to the front desk.

"Listen, Lara, I'm sorry for asking you that question," Duffy immediately apologised to the SHO. "I completely forgot about… well, Lucy and Patrick and…"

"What?" Lara looked up from the case notes she was studying. "Oh, no, Duffy, forget it. It's fine."

"No, it's not," Duffy insisted. "It was insensitive and…"

"No honestly, it wasn't," Lara replied. "There was no Lucy and Patrick. The sooner everyone on this ward realises that, the better."

"Of course," Duffy nodded. Poor thing, she was in complete denial. It was easy to see how you could fall for Patrick Spiller; even with his trademark rudeness, he was still a charmer. But to let him make a fool of you like that… that was something else.


	18. Acceptance

"And what's wrong with… does that really say Johnno?" Lucy looked at the piece of paper Jack had handed her.

"Yep," Jack nodded, trying to hide a grin and failing. "One of the regulars, you never met Johnno before?"

"No." Lucy looked at him warily, as well as Tony and Anna who were giggling. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

Anna coughed. "Um, no, not at all. We better let you get on with… Johnno." She hurried off, her shoulders shaking with laughter.

Lucy was about to call for her patient, when an ageing man with stubble, a red face and smelling strongly of alcohol, among other things, lurched over to her. Lucy tried to avoid looking completely horrified.

"Johnno?" she said, wishfully thinking that this was just a dream.

"That's Johnno," Jack agreed.

"I need a doctor!" Johnno announced loudly, draping one arm around Lucy's shoulders, before his legs gave way.

"Ooo, easy!" Patrick caught his other side as he went past.

As Johnno came back up he lurched back towards Lucy, giving her a gap toothed grin. "You're new. Would you make an old man very happy and go out with me?" he asked, before slumping forward again.

"I think we can ignore that one," Patrick said calmly in response to Lucy's alarmed face as she remembered the challenge. "Come on, let's get this guy sitting down somewhere."

* * *

"Sounds like you had a bad shift then," Dillon remarked, as Lucy finished recounting her encounter with Johnno. "You shouldn't mind Johnno too much, he's harmless really."

"A dead weight," Lucy rubbed her shoulder.

"Well, yeah." Dillon grinned. "But he doesn't mean any real harm. Just a lonely old bloke with nowhere else to go really. His wife died a few years ago, you see, and since then he's just kind of wandered around."

"Poor man," Lucy said softly. She paused to reflect a minute. Would she have ended up like him if Patrick hadn't dragged her out in time?

"Yeah," Dillon agreed. "So, what brought about the new look?" He flicked her pony tail teasingly.

"Nothing," Lucy laughed, batting him away. "Can a girl not just get her hair cut because she feels like it?"

"So you wouldn't have any plans tonight then?" Dillon enquired. "I mean, I assume you're not working…"

"Not until Thursday," Lucy smiled. "Day off tomorrow."

"And tonight?"

"No, nothing planned for tonight," Lucy shook her head. "I was intending to sleep until about nine o'clock anyway. Why, is anything happening?" She'd actually enjoyed the gathering at the pub the other day; it finally felt like she was being accepted.

"Erm, I was actually wondering if you felt like doing something." Dillon suddenly looked and sounded very awkward. "We could go for a drink if you like. Just you and me," he added.

Lucy felt her stomach flip. Her and Dillon. Alone. Together. Wasn't that a… date? "I… I can't," she said automatically.

Dillon looked crestfallen. Patrick had seemed so sure that she would say yes, and he should know after all, what with their history. "Oh. Oh, don't worry then."

Then Lucy remembered the challenge. Accept the next date you get asked on. If Johnno didn't count then maybe this one didn't… but she knew deep down it did. It would be the first challenge she'd completely ignored. Technically it was a false challenge anyway, it was an afterthought, it was… it was still a challenge.

"Oh hold on," she finally managed to get out. "Sorry, I was getting my days muddled. I was thinking it was Wednesday already. Tonight's good for me."

"Oh cool." Dillon visibly brightened. "So shall I pick you up?"

"I'll meet you there," Lucy replied. "About eight shall we say?"

"Cool."

"Cool." Patrick had a lot to answer for.


	19. What lies beneath the bed

Lara shook her shoulder-length blonde hair out of the pony tail it was loosely tied into and put the stethoscope round her neck into her locker. She was exhausted, having worked a double shift, and wanted nothing more than to collapse into bed. Preferably with Patrick. Only so he could make the coffee later, obviously.

"Good work on that last patient," Max congratulated her as she walked out of the main entrance, switching her mobile phone on as she went. "We'll make a registrar of you yet!"

"Yeah." Lara nodded. "Have you seen Patrick anywhere?"

Max snorted. "He stalked off a few minutes ago. Were you supposed to be meeting him or something?"

Lara could sense the consultant's mockery. She shrugged. "It was just a casual thing, no definite plans," she bluffed, as a text came through on her phone.

Sorry, Skip, but I'm heading over 2 Lucy's 4 a bit. Give me a ring when u get this and I'll explain.

Love Idiot xxx

Lara sighed heavily. She knew there was nothing going on between Patrick and Lucy, even if everyone else was still giving her pitying glances. It still hurt though, to be passed over for her yet again. She considered ringing him immediately to demand to know what was going on, but then stopped. His car had gone from the car park, and she didn't want him answering it while driving. She cursed herself instantly. Why the hell did she care so much about him? He clearly couldn't give a toss about her feelings, her needs. She sighed heavily, unlocked her car and started the engine. She'd ring him later.

* * *

Lucy shoved her head underneath the pillow and prayed whoever it was would go away and leave her alone. That doorbell was far too piercing to be legal, she was sure of it. She glanced at the clock from under the pillow. Four o'clock. If she went straight back to sleep now, she could have another two hours sleep and still be at the pub in plenty of time to meet Dillon. Two more hours, was it too much to ask for?

The doorbell rang again.

"Alright, alright." Lucy gave in, throwing her pillow across the bedroom, shoving her feet into a pair of battered slippers and wrenching a grey and filthy dressing gown from where she'd thrown it on the floor. She stumbled across the bottom floor flat, opened her door and then opened the front door, all ready to tell whoever it was to get the hell out of there.

"Patrick!" she yelped, instantly pulling the dressing gown tighter around her. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you… what are you doing in bed?" Patrick demanded, looking at her bleary eyes and bed hair. "It's four in the afternoon!"

"I was on a night shift!" Lucy retorted. Before Patrick could point out that he had been too she added, "And although you may gather your energy by draining it from others, normal human people like to sleep."

"Whatever. Can I come in?" he asked, stepping in without waiting for an answer. "This your flat?" he said, again striding into her open door without hesitation. Lucy shut the front door and hurried after him. The flat was a tip, as usual, a far cry from what she imagined Patrick's flat was like. For the first time in years she was actually ashamed of how she lived.

"So why exactly are you here?" she asked wearily, attempting to surreptitiously shove the plate full of cigarette butts under the sofa, and hide several pairs of knickers.

"Dillon told me about your date," Patrick replied, looking out the window. "Nice view. Well, if you like watching other people pass by."

Lucy took his momentary distraction as an opportunity to toss a pair of tights into her bedroom and shut the door. "Sorry, what has my date with Dillon got to do with you being here? Oh God!" she exclaimed, grabbing the sofa to steady herself as a thought came to her. "Not another challenge! Please, Patrick, I…"

"No, nothing like that." Patrick shook his head. "I actually came to see what you were going to wear for it."

Lucy stared at him. She could hardly believe what she was hearing. "You came to vet my outfit?"

"Sort of," Patrick agreed, turning back to face her. He took in her ensemble again. "I take it you'll be changing out of that."

Lucy pulled a face. "Funny. Of course. And it's all in hand."

"So what are you wearing?" Patrick asked.

Lucy thought frantically about what was clean and vaguely presentable. "Well, erm…" she stalled for time. "I thought maybe… erm… jeans?" she suggested hopefully.

Patrick rolled his eyes. "God, and you call yourself a woman! Come on, give us a look at your wardrobe." He strode across the living room and opened the bedroom door. Lucy followed him, horrified at the invasion.

Patrick rifled through her very untidy and sparse wardrobe. He'd never seen such a meagre selection of clothes. There were jeans, sure, but none really suitable for a hot date. And all the t-shirts were so faded and old, or else extremely dull and what would be referred to by a fashionista as "classic pieces".

"Christ, Lucy, you're not very up to date, are you?" he remarked, pulling a very old pair of jeans out, which had holes in both knees and tattered bottoms. "When was the last time you went shopping?"

"I'm not keen on shopping," Lucy shrugged. "So what?"

Patrick continued surveying the poor selection of clothes. "So what were you planning on wearing tonight?"

Lucy shrugged again and scouted around for a clean pair of jeans. Well, the cleanest pair. God, she really should do some washing. "These, I guess, and some top or other," she suggested, picking a black v neck top up off of the floor. A bit of Febreeze and an iron and it would be fine.

Patrick raised his eyebrows. "You're not serious?"

"Why not?" Lucy demanded. "What's wrong with them?"

"Nothing," Patrick lied. The jeans were awful, he could see straight away that they were miles too big for her slender frame. "But they're not very… well, date-like are they?"

"And since when did you become Trinny and Susannah?" Lucy asked.

"I didn't. But I'm a bloke, and I know what I'd think of a girl who turned up for a date with me wearing that," Patrick replied. "And it's not good."

"Well, fine," Lucy said irritably. "Dillon will just have to hate it, won't he?"

"Have you not got anything more kind of… well, dressy?" Patrick enquired, discarding a pair of black boring trousers. "You women usually have wardrobes fit to bursting with random crap."

"Well I don't," Lucy replied firmly, shoving the clothes he was throwing out back into the bottom of the wardrobe. "If you only came to insult me, then maybe you could save this until we're next at work. And let me get some sleep."

"I'm trying to help," Patrick reminded her. "Seriously, Lucy, think about how Dillon's feeling. Here's this girl he's been dying to ask out for ages, and she's finally said yes and then she turns up looking like it means absolutely nothing to her. That would be really hurtful."

Lucy stared at him. "Dying to ask out for ages? Me? Are you serious?"

Patrick shrugged. "He might have mentioned something. So are you going to try and make the effort now?"

Lucy bit her lip anxiously. Then she gave in. "The suitcase under the bed," she said quietly. "Have a look in it. I'm going to have a shower."

Patrick waited until she'd disappeared into the bathroom before pulling the case out. Inside it were some of the classiest and sexiest clothes he'd ever seen. A far cry from the modest Lucy Hart everyone knew. Maybe this was what she'd once been like. Maybe getting her back to normal was not going to be as simple as he'd first thought.


	20. and a packet of crisps

"Wow," Dillon couldn't contain his enthusiasm as Lucy walked into the pub. "You look really nice, Lucy," he said. "Really nice."

Lucy smiled shyly. "Um thanks, you look…"

"Really underdressed beside you," Dillon grinned, aware that his jeans and casual shirt hardly complimented Lucy's pretty black dress. "You do realise that I hadn't planned on going anywhere other than here, right?" he said hesitantly.

"Oh yeah!" Lucy nodded emphatically. "I said it would be way too much, but… I took some bad advice," she finished in a hurry, wincing as she nearly mentioned Patrick. "Can I get you a drink?" she suggested, smiling over brightly in an attempt to cover up her earlier stumble.

"No, let me," Dillon insisted. "I invited you out after all. Archers and lemonade, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Lucy nodded. "Please. Thanks. Erm…" she blushed and giggled in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I'm useless at this kind of thing, it's been a long time."

"That's okay." Dillon smiled kindly. "I'll just get the drinks in."

He returned carrying both drinks and balancing a packet of crisps on the top of the glasses.

"I'm afraid it isn't quite a four course meal at the Rochester, but I couldn't let that dress be entirely wasted." He grinned. "Cheese and onion do you?"

"My favourite." Lucy grinned back. "How did you know?"

"Intuition," Dillon said in mock earnestness. "And I have watched you devour many packs on your lunch breaks."

Lucy blushed as she began chewing on her current mouthful. "I'm sure I'm attractive like that," she said when her mouth was empty again.

Dillon shrugged. "You're not bad. So, you said it had been a long time since you'd done this kind of thing. I suppose Patrick didn't take you out much, did he?"

Lucy nearly choked on her drink. "Sorry?" She looked at him in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I was just saying that you and Patrick probably didn't get out much, seeing as it was supposed to be a secret." Dillon shrugged as nonchalantly as he could manage.

Lucy put her glass down heavily. "I wish people would accept what we tell them. Me and Patrick never happened, there was never anything between us."

"I know that's the line you've fed Lara," Dillon said nodding. "And maybe she even believes it. But not everyone's so blinded by love, Lucy."

"I haven't fed Lara any line!" Lucy protested. "Honestly, nothing happened. Me and Patrick are just friends."

Dillon frowned. "But how? You're complete opposites, you used to ignore each other, all but."

"We've got more in common than you think," Lucy said softly. "Anyway. I don't want to talk about that. Can we not just concentrate on having a good time?"

Dillon hesitated before nodding reluctantly. Why did he get the feeling he was being shut out of Lucy Hart's life?

* * *

Lucy wrenched the dress off angrily that night, throwing it far across the room. She pulled the multitude of hair grips in her hair out and dropped them on the floor. Bundling her hair up into a pony tail, she looked into the mirror.

"An idiot," she said decisively to her reflection. "An absolute idiot to think this evening would work." She looked at the picture of Jamie. "Why did you let me do this? Why did I ever listen to him, eh? He's not you, he never will be, neither of them ever can be. From now on, it's me, on my own, without any stupid rules or challenges or help. Just me."


	21. Breaking the Ties

Patrick looked at the piece of paper in his hand and then up at Lucy's spookily calm face. "Erm…" he said, looking confused. "What's this?"

"You know," Lucy replied firmly.

Patrick sighed. "Look, maybe it is a bit irrelevant, but it's not even that hard, Lucy…"

"I haven't read it," Lucy said.

"What?" Patrick frowned. "Then why…?"

"It's over," Lucy informed him. "No more stupid games. I don't want to play anymore."

"Is this about the other night?" Patrick asked. "What happened? Didn't you have a good time?"

"I had a bloody awful time," Lucy retorted. "I laughed, and drank and spent time with a nice man who was interested in me and what I had to say."

Patrick was completely lost by now. "And that was bad because?"

"Because I can't do it," Lucy said shortly. "It was a stupid idea, Patrick, one of your many. And I'm sick of them. So from now on, no more. Go and play your games with Lara. I don't need your help."

"I think you do."

"Well you're wrong!" Lucy snapped. "So just stay out of my life from now on. Okay?" She walked away before he could reply.

* * *

It had been a fortnight since their one and only date, and Dillon was still too confused over Lucy's reaction to even attempt to ask her out again. They'd had a great time, sharing anecdotes and laughing. He'd thought he was well in. Then she'd announced she had to go and without even a peck on the cheek, she'd got a cab home. Since then, she'd barely said ten words to him at work and had rejected all his phone calls. He had no idea what he'd done wrong. Maybe she was still hung up over Patrick, maybe she'd never see him as anything but a friend whilst Dr Spiller would be able to play about with her for years. She was worth so much more, deserved so much more. Even if she'd clammed up almost every time Dillon had even so much as mentioned her family.

* * *

"Dillon!" Lucy exclaimed, as she nearly bumped into the other nurse. She was fully aware that she'd been avoiding him for the past few weeks, and was almost certain that he'd noticed too. She hurriedly tried to assemble a reasonably cheerful face. "Um, how are you, I haven't seen you around much."

"Yeah you have and you've run in the opposite direction," Dillon replied surprisingly calmly compared to how he felt. "But I'm fine."

"I… I haven't been avoiding you deliberately," Lucy insisted, hoping that the sermons she used to attend when she was younger had been very wrong about liars going to Hell.

"Yes you have," Dillon corrected her. "I've got stuff to be getting on with." He made a move to push past her.

"Dillon, wait." Lucy refused to move aside. "I can explain. I… I know I've been a bit of a bitch…"

"A bit?" Dillon said doubtfully.

"A lot," Lucy amended her previous statement. "And I know I haven't been fair on you. But I haven't really been in the right state of mind recently, I've been all over the place for… for quite a while actually. I should never have accepted your invitation, it wasn't fair on you or me or…"

"Patrick," Dillon finished for her.

"What?" Lucy frowned.

"Lucy, I know you're still hung up on him," Dillon informed her. "And maybe you always will be. But you deserve so much better than to be his reserve girl, on hand whenever the latest relationship goes sour."

Lucy blinked a few times. "Dillon, for the last time, I am not and never have been in love with Patrick. But whatever we did have, and it wasn't anything like you think… that's over, well and truly. Patrick has nothing to do with this anymore."

Dillon digested her outburst slowly. "Okay. So… what is stopping you then?"

Lucy took a deep breath and let it out. "Nothing," she said finally.

Dillon looked down at her. "So can we start over?"

Lucy nodded. "I'd like that. I really would."

"So, dinner, tonight?"

Lucy swallowed her fear. "Love to."


	22. Exposed

Lucy looked at the name on the list again. "Richard Jones?" she called. She felt her heart sink slightly looking at what he'd come in with. A five-year-old with a suspected broken arm. Just great. She was so nervous about this date tonight, she needed something a bit more distracting than that!

A small boy and his mother walked up. The woman did a double take, before glancing at her badge.

"Lucy Benbridge?" she said.

"Hart, actually," Lucy replied, suddenly fearful. This woman knew her somehow. Now she looked again, she could see that despite the weary expression the woman wore, she was about the same age as her. But who the hell was she…?

"Kayleigh," the woman prompted her, beaming.

The penny dropped. "Kayleigh Jackson?" Lucy said, suddenly very fearful. Kayleigh had been part of the gang back at school, she'd known Jamie. Jack was already watching in fascination, and she was sure that Anna and Tony couldn't have _that_ much to talk about in the waiting room. Even Charlie and Max were lingering longer than was strictly necessary outside Charlie's office.

"Lucas actually." Kayleigh waggled the cheap wedding ring under Lucy's nose. "Married three years now. Hart… so you _did_ marry Jamie after all! Oh the girls will love to hear that!"

"The girls?" Lucy was just able to say without stuttering. What girls? Were the whole of King John High School about to descend on her?

"Yes, I still keep in touch with most of the gang," Kayleigh informed her. Lucy was aware they were still in reception, but she was barely able to stand, let alone lead Kayleigh and her son through to the cubicles. "Lost contact with a few, including you and Jamie. So, how long has it been? How is the old rascal, still fiddling with cars?"

"Actually he's…" Lucy felt her nerve fail at the last second.

"Oh surely hedidn't swap careers!" Kayleigh was continuing. "My Garry, he's in retail management, just been relocated down here. I can't see Jamie doing anything but cars, he was always so keen on them. Oh, I'd love to see him, would we be able to meet up?"

Lucy was conscious of everyone watching her, and could bare it no longer. This woman, barging in here, ruining everything. How dare she? She deserved to be shocked, deserved to feel bad about bringing this all up. Why the hell couldn't she have stayed in London where she belonged, instead of moving here, to upset her life just when she was starting to get a grip on it again?

"Actually Jamie died," she said flatly. When Kayleigh's face dropped, she continued. "Yeah, about two years ago. In a car accident." She forced herself to smile, forced herself to ignore the shocked silence amongst her colleagues. "So, shall we go through now?"

Charlie stepped in. "Erm, Mrs. Lucas and…"

"His name's Richard," Lucy supplied the name, seeing as no one else was able to speak. For once she felt completely in control.

"Richard," Charlie acknowledged the boy. "Spencer, why don't you show them into a cubicle, and I'll find someone to look at you. Lucy, why don't you take a break?"

"I'm fine," Lucy insisted. "I'd rather work. I can see to Richard's arm."

"I think that might be a bad idea," Charlie said. "Go and see if they need any help in recus. If you're sure."

"Perfectly." Lucy nodded, before heading out the double doors.

* * *

Lara closed the door carefully behind her as she entered recus. Lucy was remaking a bed, and looked just the same as usual. Not even red-eyed. She looked up as she became aware of Lara's presence.

"Hi," she greeted her. "Is it busy out there, am I needed?"

"No, I don't think so." Lara shook her head. "Lucy, I've heard what happened today, I… Is this some sort of challenge Patrick's set you? Because if it is, it's ridiculous, you shouldn't have to deal with this kind of thing this way, you…"

"Patrick had nothing to do with this," Lucy replied calmly. "Well, unless he broke Richard Lucas's arm, and I think that's a bit beyond even him. No, today was chance happening. And my own decision."

Lara nodded. "Okay. Patrick hasn't mentioned you lately, I was wondering…"

"It's finished," Lucy informed her. "I don't need him anymore." She finished the bed. "I'm fine, Lara, honestly. I know everyone out there will be talking about me, but… well, at least it takes the heat off you and Patrick for a few hours."

Lara smiled thinly. "Lucy, you do know that… well… I am here if you want to talk or… if you need a shoulder to cry on…"

"I don't do crying," Lucy said matter-of-factly.

"You are allowed to cry sometimes," Lara insisted. "You've just done something big. It's only natural for it to affect you emotionally and -"

"It's not that I don't want to cry," Lucy continued as though Lara hadn't spoken. "I just can't." She hesitated before continuing. "I can't start crying because I'm afraid that if I do, I'll never stop." She shook herself out of her reverie. "I'm going to have a quick fag, can you cover for me if anyone asks?"

"Sure." Lara nodded. Suddenly she wanted Patrick more than she could explain, just to have him nearby. No wonder he'd been so wrapped up in Lucy's life; she was possibly the saddest girl she'd ever met.


	23. Reflecting

Only a short one... not sure why I made this a separate chapter when I wrote it lol. Just didn't seem to fit in anywhere else.

* * *

Dillon had wanted to cancel their date, but Lucy had insisted that she'd made a commitment and had to honour it. It was surprisingly unbad. Even if she still refused to discuss herself, and even a mention of her dead husband failed to provoke a reaction, it was still a fairly normal, above average date. Again, she'd gone home with no physical contact with him. It was still promising; at least she'd said see you tomorrow as she left.

And she wasn't blanking him, she had even suggested that they go out again. But Dillon was still uneasy. Lucy Hart was more complicated than he'd ever thought, with the hidden dead husband and the distinct lack of emotion she was showing to it all. He liked her, he really liked her. But how could he ever hope to get through the walls she'd built up around herself? And if he couldn't get through them, how could they ever hope to have a future together?


	24. Out on a shout

Lucy thankfully took a big gulp of coffee and then yelped.

"Ah, that's what we call paramedics tongue," Nikki informed her, sipping her own cup daintily. "Trying to gulp down too much in one go. You okay?"

"Fine. I just didn't know it would be this tiring."

"Today's quiet." Nikki shrugged nonchalantly. "You wait until we get a big shout -"

"Nikki." Josh frowned at her. "We don't want a big shout. I'd be perfectly content with a few minor cuts and bruises or…" His radio crackled as he spoke. He groaned. "Oh great." He walked away to answer it.

"We better get the ambulance ready." Nikki rolled her eyes. She waved to Jack as they went past. Josh soon followed them.

He looked deathly white. "It's a big one," he said gravely. "Big traffic accident up on the ring road. Petrol tanker. Comfort and Fin are already up there, a rapid response unit are on their way. Look, Lucy, maybe you should stay here. They're going to need help when we bring the casualties back."

"I'm supposed to be shadowing you though," Lucy reminded him.

"But not on something like this," Nikki insisted. She exchanged a worried glance with Josh.

"Look, it sounds like you need as much help as possible at the site," Lucy pointed out. "We're wasting time here, we should get going."

"She's not wrong there," Josh agreed. "Get in."

Lucy clambered into the back and slammed the doors shut.

"Seat belt on, Lucy!" Nikki reminded her as they switched the sirens on.

Lucy obeyed instructions. She twisted round so that she could see out the front almost as well as Nikki and Josh could.

"Is it far to go?" she asked, as Josh whizzed up a side road.

"Not that far." Nikki shook her head. "Ten minutes maximum. You said there was petrol tanker, Josh, are the fire crew up there?"

"I assume so." Josh nodded, as several cars gave way to them and they shot through a red light. "But it's still unsafe by the sounds of it. I don't think we can get that close to it."

"How many casualties?" Lucy asked above the noise of the sirens.

"A number," Josh replied. "Quite serious, I think." He glanced in the rear view mirror. "You don't have to be involved, Lucy, if it's too bad."

"It's fine," Lucy insisted. "Honestly."

* * *

Lara stared at Josh uncomprehendingly. "I'm sorry? You've what?"

Josh laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Patrick's car. It's in the ditch over there."

"What?" Lara made a move to run towards it.

"It's empty, he's not in it." Josh kept hold of her. "The door's open, but there's no sign of him."

Lara looked around at the mess on the road. "Well, where is he then?"

Lucy was treating a young girl in the back of one of the ambulances. She finished dressing her minor head wound and left her momentarily with her mother, who was virtually unmarked.

"What's happening?" she asked, joining Josh and Lara.

"Patrick's car is over there." Lara pointed. "But he's not."

Lucy looked at Josh for clarification. Josh nodded. Lucy took a moment to digest the information before speaking. "He'll be fine, Lara, he's probably around somewhere, maybe even helping."

"Helping where?" Lara demanded. "He hasn't helped any of the cars we've looked at, and we've looked at them all!"

"Josh!" Nikki was calling him.

"I better go and see what she wants," Josh said. "Lara, calm down, Patrick will be fine, I'm sure." He moved swiftly off to speak to Nikki.

"Lara, I'm sure he's fine," Lucy insisted. "Just calm down."

"He hasn't been answering his mobile for hours," Lara said. "What is he even doing here? He's supposed to be in London!"

"Maybe it's not his car," Lucy suggested.

"Who else do you know who'd be stupid enough to drive that old thing?" Lara snapped. She shook her head. "Sorry, it's not your fault. Is that girl okay?"

"Fine. I think everyone's okay, apart from the driver of the petrol tanker. Not as bad as we first thought."

Nikki suddenly rejoined them. "Lara, we need your help," she said quickly. "There's some more casualties."

"Where?" Lara began walking with her.

"In the back of the lorry," Nikki said hesitantly.

Lara did a double take, but then continued towards it. "How badly injured?"

"There's also a mini bus." Josh joined them. "And…"

"And what?" Lara asked.

"Patrick's in it."


	25. Not what was supposed to happen

Lucy took over looking after the young girl. "Okay, I just want to have a look at your head," she said soothingly. "What's your name?"

"Kylie," the girl replied, wincing as Lucy dabbed some antiseptic onto the cut on her head. "Will everyone be okay?"

"Thanks to you, sweetheart, I think they will." Nikki nodded. "Lucy, where's Lara?"

Lucy gestured towards the mini bus. "She won't leave him."

Nikki bit her lip. "We need her, one of the immigrants isn't so good. Is there anyway you could convince her to leave?"

"Me?" Lucy frowned. "Why me?"

"I don't know, you seem to get on with her. Please, it's pretty important."

Lucy hesitated before pulling her gloves off. "Stay with Kylie," she instructed Nikki. "Until you can find someone else to look after her. Kylie, I've just got to go back and check on someone. Nikki will look after you." She hurried over to the mini bus.

Lara was talking in a low voice to Patrick.

"Lara," Lucy interrupted. She looked at Patrick, still trapped in the bus, and then turned her attention back to the SHO. "There's a problem with one of the patients, they need your help."

"I can't," Lara insisted. "I need to stay here."

"Lara, it really is important," Lucy tried again. "No one else knows what to do."

"I'm not leaving," Lara said stubbornly.

"Lara," Patrick finally said. "You need to go. You've got a job to do."

"But…"

"I'm not going anywhere." Patrick gestured to his trapped position. "Seriously, go and see to whatever it is."

Lara hesitated. "Okay. Lucy, will you stay here?"

"I…" Lucy thought about what she ought to be doing, and then nodded. "Sure."

Lara gave Patrick another look, before heading over towards the lorry again.

"Fancy meeting you here," Patrick attempted a joke.

Lucy grimaced. "Indeed. What were you thinking, Patrick?"

Patrick tried to shrug and found he didn't have enough room. "I was trying to help. It wasn't in this bad a mess when I got in, trust me. Are all the kids okay?"

"Fine." Lucy nodded. "When can they get you out?"

Patrick sighed. "They're trying. Well, they were. Where have all the fire crew gone?"

"I'm not sure." Lucy looked at the mangled metal. "You're pretty stuck, aren't you?"

"Yeah," Patrick agreed. He hesitated before saying, "Can you smell petrol?"

Lucy nodded slowly. "It's probably just the petrol tanker," she insisted. "The fire crew are here, it'll be fine."

"You don't know that," Patrick warned her. "Lucy, if it starts to get dangerous, you're not to stay. And you're not to let Lara come back either."

"It's not going to get that dangerous," Lucy replied firmly. She looked round as the fire crew returned. "See, they'll get you out."

"Lucy, seriously," Patrick continued in the same grave tone. "If I don't get out of this…"

"You're going to!" Lucy growled.

"If I don't," Patrick said deliberately. "Promise me you'll look after Lara."

"It won't come to that," Lucy maintained.

"Promise me!"

Lucy nodded reluctantly. "I promise."

Patrick hesitated. "And promise me you'll tell Dillon you love him."

"What?" Lucy looked at him incredulously. "What are you on about?"

"It's a challenge." Patrick winced as a piece of metal dug into his side slightly. "Your final one, promise. Challenge six."

"Aren't these things usually done in tens?" Lucy asked quietly.

"Since when have I been conventional?" Patrick smiled.

Lucy looked at him dubiously. "Lucky for me, you're going to get out of this," she said quickly. "So it doesn't count."

Lara returned. "Are you okay?" she asked breathlessly.

"Fine," Patrick said.

"Yeah, he's grand," Lucy nodded. "I better go and see if anyone else needs any help."

"Lara, you'll have to go soon," one of the fire crew suddenly spoke to her. "It's getting a bit dangerous down here."

"I laugh in the face of danger," Lara replied boldly.

Lucy suddenly became aware of an intense heat and bit her tongue to stop herself screaming when she spotted the flames licking around one edge of the mini bus. "That kind of danger?" she said to Lara shakily. Patrick caught her eye, and Lucy felt her heart sink. This wasn't what was supposed to happen.


	26. Explosions

Short chapter again, I know. And the penultimate one! last one still needs tiny bit of tweaking so will have to do that before I put it up. And not a cheery subject for this chapter tbh... ah well!

* * *

"Why are they pulling out?" Lara cried, as the fire crew dropped back. She made to go back towards the mini bus, and it took both Fin and Josh to hold her back.

"Lara!" Josh warned her. "They know what they're doing."

"He's still in there!" Lara reminded him desperately.

"They'll get him out," Comfort insisted. "They'll get him…" She broke off as the sound of the explosion almost knocked them off of their feet. Lucy found herself stumbling backwards, almost knocking Fin over, who caught her arms.

"Patrick!" Lara screamed.

"Oh my God," Comfort said in a low voice, as she saw the flames ripping through the mini bus.

Lucy looked up at Fin. "He… He could have made it, right?" she asked the paramedic.

Fin didn't reply. As they all stood watching, three figures emerged from the smoke. Two firemen and…

"Patrick!" Lara exclaimed, running over to him, and throwing her arms around his neck. Comfort and Fin hesitantly hugged too. Lucy found herself being patted on the arm by Josh.

Patrick joined them, looking tired and battered but unharmed. "You all look a bit shocked," he remarked teasingly. "Now, I'm hungry. Fancy dinner?"

"I think you should get looked over first," Josh said cautiously.

"I'm a doctor, Josh, I'm sure I'm fine," Patrick insisted. "And I'm really hungry. You coming?"

Lara nodded and followed him.

* * *

Lucy felt like collapsing into bed, but she still had to work another four hours. Never again would she suggest paramedics had it easy. Today had been awful, she was dead on her feet.

"Lucy, we've got an emergency coming in," Charlie informed her. He smiled at her weary face. "Only a few more hours. Come on."

Lucy sighed and headed towards recus. Almost immediately the door flew open again, and they wheeled… Patrick in.

"Let me help!" Lara insisted, as Max began firing instructions at everyone.

"Lara, no," Max shook his head, and Lara backed away. "Lucy, take over CPR," he instructed her. Lucy hesitated, then stepped forward. This time she would damn well do everything she could to help.


	27. Lonely No More

FINAL CHAPTER! Tis all over :( I'm not sure about this ending, it's a bit... well, you'll see what I mean. Thanks to everyone who's been reading and/or reviewing... means a lot. I'm considering writing a sequel to this to see where Lucy and Dillon get to, but I'm working on a few other fics at the mo, some Casualty (one where Patrick doesn't die!). Let me know if anyone thinks a sequel is a good idea. THANK YOU!

* * *

There was a strange hush over the department as Lucy got ready to go home that night. Not even Jack was making his usual jokes at the reception desk, and no one was speaking. She hoped she could slip out quietly. She really didn't want to speak to anyone. She pulled her coat on and took her hair out of the pony tail she'd had it bundled into all day.

The door to the staffroom opened and Dillon came in. Lucy kept her back to him resolutely.

"Lucy, is it okay if I cancel our date tonight?" he said finally, after a long period of silence. "Only I'm not really in the mood anymore and…"

"That's fine." Lucy nodded. "Me neither."

Dillon nodded to himself. "Lara's gone home. I offered to go with her but she said she wanted to be on her own." He sighed. "I don't really want to be on my own tonight, I can tell you that." He momentarily considered volunteering for an extra shift at the Samaritans, and then decided he really wasn't in the right frame of mind for that tonight.

Lucy nodded again. "Yeah, I know what you mean," she agreed, feeling tears welling up in her eyes.

"It's been a long day," Dillon continued. He wasn't even sure what he was waffling on about anymore.

"Yeah."

"It must have been awful out at the crash site," he said gently.

"It was."

"I hate shadowing paramedics, it's so much worse somehow," he said thoughtfully.

"I know." Lucy choked back a sob as quietly as she could.

"You know Patrick had just asked Lara to marry him I suppose?"

"No, I didn't."

"If he hadn't been so desperate to get to the restaurant," Dillon said sadly.

"He's…. he's… he's always so stubborn!" Lucy burst into racking sobs.

"Lucy?" Dillon touched her shoulder gently and Lucy instantly turned round and buried her head in his shoulder. He stroked her hair softly, whilst holding her tightly to him. "It's alright, Luce," he said quietly.

"No it's not!" Lucy replied in a muffled voice. "How can it be? He's gone, he's really gone, he's…" She cried for a few more minutes before calming down slightly. She lifted her head up from Dillon's shoulder and rubbed at the mascara stains she'd left on his crisp white t-shirt. "Sorry," she said in a near whisper.

"That's okay," Dillon insisted. He stroked a stray bit of hair back off her face. "You… you really loved him, didn't you?"

Lucy shook her head tiredly. "Not like that, not like you think. I…" She nodded finally. "I guess. He… he was my best friend."

Dillon nodded. "I know. I think he loved you too, you know." Deep down he knew the registrar had loved Lucy, maybe not how everyone had thought he had, but never had he seen Patrick care about someone so much.

Lucy nodded slowly. Then she suddenly leaned up and kissed Dillon gently on the mouth. Dillon pulled away reluctantly.

"Lucy, do you really think this is a good idea?" he asked.

Lucy smiled weakly. "Perfectly. I… I've got a lot to tell you, Dillon."

Dillon nodded. "Do you want to start tonight? I really don't fancy being on my own."

"Me neither," Lucy agreed. She wiped her eyes and then slipped her hand into his. "Come on, then. Let's get out of here."


End file.
